Free Cell
by 3-points-P
Summary: Sequel it My Love and I, Kamui finds that balancing all the people he loves can be a difficult task
1. Default Chapter

Title: Free Cell  
Pairings: Kamui/Yuzuriha, S/K  
Notes: You know ... three months ago if you had asked me whether My Love and I would have a sequel I would have said 'no, nope, never, the ending is the ending take it for all it's horrible unsatistifyingness' because the fic completed what I wanted to convey. But the more I thought about it, the more these unbelievably funny and cute scenes kept popping into my head until finally I started to write them out at work about a month or so ago.

So yes, duh.. this is a sequel to My Love and I. It is not necessary that you have read Love to understand and enjoy this fic, but if you plan to read it you may want to do it before you read this one since this fic will likely spoil a lot of Love's plot for you I plan to make this much more "romantic comedy"-esque and not quite as philosophical ... but those of you who've read my work before know how good I am at _that_.

In addition, although My Love and I was almost exclusively an SxK fic, this one is not (at least I don't plan to make it hahahah). The principal relationship explored is Kamui/Yuzuriha. SxK does play a part in the story here-- especially in the second chapter-- but I consider it rather minor in the larger scope of the fic (sorry my SxK sisters, I just can't seem to let them be together and happy can I?) ;;;;;;

Lastly, about the title: might as well clear this up right now. It's a metaphor. Free Cell is a card game (PC users running Windows probably have it in Accessories Games) in which one must sort the cards in ordered piles by suits (similar to Solitaire) by moving the cards in and out of available cells. The trick is balance and foresight, move cards too recklessly and you'll trap yourself. The title serves as a metaphor for what Kamui must do in this fic, mainly juggle his loved ones around so that they all fall into order.

You know ... I think that's the longest introduction I've ever written for a fic ;;;;;;;;;;;;;

-Chapter 1-

"He's out."

"Really?"

"Like a light," Kamui nodded, closing the door gently behind him _before_ he let go of the massive sigh he had been holding in. He did not try to hide his exhaustion as he flopped down on the couch, Yu wouldn't mind anyway she was probably just as tired.

"Aww and he missed the end of his movie."

The obscure children's video-- that both of them had seen a dozen times by now-- sat frozen on the screen, Kamui switched the pause mode in favor of the stop-eject and put it back in its case. "Yup."

"He'll be upset in the morning..."

"You mean after he recites the entire ending by heart? Yeah, I'm sure he'll be crushed."

"Oh Kamui..." she rested her head on his shoulder, a level of familiarity that Kamui allowed very few people. But they had been through too much for it not to be so, and on some days she seemed like an extension of himself. "Do I detect a hint of bitterness?"

"We've watched that movie 5 times already," Kamui groaned. "It's not even a good movie... Every Thursday I pray that he will pick another movie, _any_ other movie. In my desperation I walked him past the X rated stuff in hopes that _something_ would catch his eye that didn't include a handful of midgets."

"Dwarves," she corrected.

"Whatever..."

"And hey I would think you'd be happy about his appreciation for your kind, shorty." She giggled and rubbed his head tenderly. In her heels she was taller than him and she never quite let him forget that.

Kamui grumbled something nasty and rested his head on her lap. "There were no short Japanese men in that movie."

"If you say so grumpy."

He stuck his tongue out at her.

When Chiaki was learning to speak he had smiled broadly at Yuzuriha threw up his arms and proclaimed, "Mommy!"

"Yu-zu-ri-ha" Kamui had quickly corrected, but his son only blinked at him dumbly and insisted, "Mommy!"

"It's all right Kamui," Yuzuriha laughed as she lifted Chiaki up into a welcoming hug. "I don't mind if you don't."

"Well of course I don't mind." He had begun to think of them as one happy family himself, but he would never want to impose ... "but ... I figure ... you have a life of your own, I wouldn't want to trap you in this kind of responsibility."

Yuzuriha had a way of laughing at him like he was little more than a sweet but helplessly retarded child. And in many ways Kamui couldn't feel patronized when she patted him on the head and shoved a cookie in his mouth. He loved her for it.

"It's no trap," she assured him. "How could I ever live without you two in my life?"

"Neh," Yuzuriha snapped him out of his thoughts. "Are you going to fall asleep during our movie?"

Kamui yawned a little and shook his head.

"Long day at the office?"

"Brutal..." he yawned again. And almost as an after thought he murmured, "I have a parent teacher conference tomorrow morning."

"_Again_??"

Kamui nodded, "something about an impromptu revolt of kindergartners."

"You're kidding..."

"Nooo a few of the kids were so hysterical they had to cancel the class project."

"Oh dear..."

"Yeah..." Kamui agreed. "I don't quite know what to do with him myself. On one hand I think it's good that he's so spirited and confident, on the other..."

"You wish he wouldn't embarrass you quite so much," she smiled easily.

"Something like that..." Kamui muttered. "I can't explain it very well ... it's not really him, he's perfect just the way he is ... it's something..."

"Kamui ... it's okay to be dissatisfied. You've given up your whole life to raise this child, that's a noble thing but still there's no shame in feeling dissatisfied."

"I'm not dissatisfied with my life Yu. To be honest I didn't feel my life was mine to do as I pleased with for most of it anyway. It's hard to be bitter about that."

"Then you're dissatisfied with me."

Her comment shocked him. Never had it even occurred to him that he had a right to claim any such thing. He was not entitled to Yu's help and companionship, what right did he have to feel dissatisfied with it?

"Of course I'm not. Don't be ridiculous!" Then realizing how harsh and insensitive that sounded he amended. "I couldn't have gotten by without you."

She smiled knowing, "but I'm not the one you'd like to raise this child with."

"No... I wouldn't want Subaru to raise Chiaki with me."

"No? Why not?"

"Because ... Subaru ..." he laughed. "I want to say he wasn't a very stable person, but that's not really fair. I don't believe he would have done anything to hurt Chiaki or anything like that ... but ... he's still not the person I'd want playing parent with me.

"Besides, even if I did feel that way there'd be no point to wishing it. Subaru's gone, probably for good."

"And you have to make do with what you have."

"I'm sorry, I've offended you.."

"No you haven't Kamui. Had you told me you loved me more than Subaru-san I wouldn't have believed you."

"Daddy can we go to the zoo after?"

Kamui gripped the steering wheel as he nervously scanned the traffic for a place to maneuver. Traffic in this area of Tokyo at this time was murder, he should have remember that. They should have taken the train; whatever possessed him to think that the sea of cars would just part under his command? The world didn't spin for him anymore.

Well who was he kidding? The world never spun for him, quite the other way around.

"You sir, are in trouble." It was his best adult sounding voice. One he had spent years perfecting even though he didn't feel anymore like an adult now than he did four years ago.

"No zoo?"

"Absolutely no zoo."

This was his fourth parent teacher conference since school had started. It wasn't so much that Chiaki was a bad child as it was he had an extremely neurotic teacher who had made shaping Chiaki into the perfect scholar her personal crusade in life. Although Chiaki did do his share to provoke her hissy fits, ever since the rice ball incident she had Kamui's number on her speed dial and made frequent use of it too.

This time Chiaki had objected to the class project and had staged an environmentalist protest of four and five year olds. Practically a revolt, his teacher had said.

Well it was better than the last time, where Chiaki had attempted to explain the dog that only Mommy and Daddy could see and Hondo-sensei thought it was some bizarre sexual metaphor. Had that been an interesting meeting...

"But Daddy, balloon launches are bad cause the balloons come down and little baby seals choke on them. Hondo-sensei was going to murder the baby seals Daddy!!"

So you see, it wasn't his fault. He was really defending such a righteous cause.

"It was not Hondo-sensei's intention to do anything to hurt the baby seals Chiaki, and even if it were we show respect for our elders."

Yu had warned him this morning just before they left not to give into the sweetness and honesty of Chiaki's intentions. He had to lay down the law no matter how sympathetic he might feel towards his son's cause.

Who'd have thought that among them it would be Yuzuriha who turned out to be the down to earth one? She had been so idealistic and energetic as a child. But as an adult she had been a great asset to him, helping him since the very beginning where he hadn't a clue how to change a diaper let alone feed and protect a child.

He had always been fond of her, but in recent years he had grown even more fond of her. Enough for cute pet names and the occasional chaste kiss. And for Kamui, that was a lot.

They had been dancing around romance for the past four years. Kamui had already had two great loves in his life, a third seemed entirely unlikely. He never said this to Yu, but she seemed to understand as if he had. Kamui could not help feeling guilty that he could not give her more. Unfortunately, there was a parade of tragic loves great and small that had managed to cripple his ability to accept her fully.

He had often thought she deserved better, but she had fallen in love with the little boy in the back seat and there could be no shaking her now.

As it had been years ago, Kamui did not permit himself to think about Subaru often. If he convinced himself that Subaru was never coming back and the Sumeragi did it would be a pleasant surprise. If not then at least he could move on with his life. There were lonely nights sometimes, long after he had put Chiaki to bed where he would lie awake and allow himself to slip into his great weakness and think of the man. Memories would flood his body with hot sensations and he would find himself at his lowest, hoping futilely Chiaki didn't wake up and need to use the bathroom.

Never for a moment though, not even in those desperate midnight hours, did he regret leaving.

At night just before he went to sleep he would allow himself to hope that maybe, since his first love had returned to him the second one would to.

It was one of those silly things he thought about when his mind was on the edge of dreaming.

They finally pulled into the school parking lot. Traffic had made them ten minutes late and children were already racing about the playground as they waited for morning session to begin. He unbuckled Chiaki from his car seat and lead him firmly by the hand as the child's eyes roamed the playground longingly.

"Daddy can't I--"

"No, trouble remember?"

"Oh..."

Hondou-sensei was a nice enough woman, a little younger than Kamui with no children of her own. It was this last thing that added a touch of irritation to each one of these visits, not that Kamui felt being a parent somehow gave him a superior expertise to her degrees. But he sometimes felt her ideas about parenting were idealistic and without proper grounding.

She greeted him warmly as always and smiled at Chiaki with a dash of trepidation-- something Kamui found particularly amusing-- indicating to a place he might play while they talked.

"My concerned are as follows," she began. It was a quality Kamui admired, she was always straight to the point ... or perhaps it was because they were always ten minutes late for these meetings. "Chiaki displays little respect for authority and is unsophisticated in the ways of the world."

"Well ... he's four..."

She smiled with a pained and overly frustrated patience. "I meant for his age, he shows little enthusiasm for student government despite his obvious leadership qualities."

That CLAMP Campus kindergarten even _had_ a student government was something Kamui found unquestionably ridiculous.

"He has a lot of potential that remains unfocused. Left to his own devices this could quickly develop into a host of vices that will be impossible to correct once he reaches adolescence."

_Well good, thanks for the ten year warning on this disaster,_ Kamui thought irritably. The urge to roll his eyes was almost impossible to suppress. So Chiaki was an uncontrollable force of nature, well Kamui could have told her that.

"It is critical that as parent and teacher we work together to direct Chiaki's energy into healthily responsible habits. How much of the classics have you read him?"

"Well there's Momotaro and a few old fairy tales ... but we're both really more partial to more modern stuff."

Another pained smiled told him that yet again he had answered incorrectly. Maybe he had missed a chapter in the instruction manual that came with Chiaki? "I see ... how many chapters of the Kojiki?"

"What?"

"It's very important that he develops a clear sense of his culture and pride in his traditions, do you attend regular Buddhist or Shinto services?"

"Ahh ... we visit the Togakushi shrine once a year and then there the 'Black Year' memorial services ... but everyone goes to that so I suppose that doesn't count..."

"Shirou-san," she addressed him respectfully but sternly. "Do you realize how important cultural identity is to your son's development?"

"We go to all the festivals," Kamui offered meekly.

Hondou-sensei seemed defeated by her failure to instill Kamui with his proper parental insanity and changed gears, throwing them into a far more uncomfortable topic. "What about your ex-wife?"

It seemed to be her retreat policy to bring this up. Yu was not a subject he liked discussing in this context because he never felt particularly comfortable side stepping the truth. Yu was not his ex-wife since technically, they had never been married. But it was much easier to let people assume that than to explain that Yu had been a support that helped him live through the ordeal of raising the child he had suddenly decided to adopt. That she was not Chiaki's mother anymore than he was Chiaki's father and that there had been no inclination of romance between them before the child came into the picture. That they lived in separate apartments not because they were divorced but because they were just close friends.

Plus he hated out right lying about it, knowing that eventually these lies would come back to him.

"I'm pretty sure she doesn't read him anything like the Kojiki..."

"Really? I'm surprised," Hondo-sensei replied with a tad bit of smugness. It was no secret that the reason Kamui always got stuck in these meetings was because Yu and Hondou-sensei had a mutual animosity for one another. A professional jealousy really, Yu as an adjunct graduate student got more respect for teaching on a college level, while Hondo-sensei got paid better and had job security. Kamui often wondered if Hondo-sensei suggested things like starting Chiaki on French to prove to them all that she could match their level of sophistication, or whether she followed this philosophy for all her students.

Kamui squirmed in his seat and wondered why he and Chiaki always got caught in the crossfire of their resentment. He was a highschool dropout, it's not like anyone should need to flaunt their degrees at _him_. Still he endured each one of these meetings silently since-- although he may not be skilled at optimizing his son's potential-- he was pretty sure watching his mother rip out his teacher's throat and beat her to death with it would not be favorable to his developing authority problems.

"I mean really ... incest, murder, the skinning of a pony alive ... what was I thinking? This is _perfect_ bedtime story material!"

He could hear Yuzuriha's childlike giggle on the other end. "You need to stop taking this stuff so personally Kamui."

"They think I'm a bad father."

"No, they just want to ensure that they give Chiaki every opportunity available to him."

Kamui grumbled something unintelligible under his breath and with a sigh threw his feet up on his desk. "I know his education is important, but what's the point of forcing him to understand something he's too young to appreciate? They don't want him to excel they want him to sit up and bark on command."

There was a muted shuffle and the sound of Yuzuriha murmuring something to another in the room.

"Yu? Jesus I'm sorry, I'm holding you up at work aren't I?"

"No, no, it's all right. I just have a class in a minute."

That was a polite 'yes but I love you anyway' Kamui nodded to himself and made his excuses quick. "Well I should be getting back to things here myself. Thanks for leaning an ear."

"Anytime Kamui I'll meet you for dinner tonight and you can rant about it properly okay?"

Kamui did some quick calculations, he picked Chiaki up from daycare at 5, ran some errands and made the kid something to eat ... he could probably enforce an early bed time as punishment for Chiaki's behavior and then have a pizza ordered by 7:30 and a bottle of wine. He sighed, "that sounds great."

"Good, I'll see you tonight then."

One of these days Kamui would learn to take the subway. One of these days he was going to sell his car and just start walking every where, because traffic in Tokyo was so horrible and so unpredictable he would probably get places much faster if he walked. The problem was that Tokyo was also incredibly unbalanced, still raising from its ashes. Some areas were congested and overpopulated and some areas were barren and abandoned. Subways had constant delays and construction ... lines didn't even run to all the districts yet.

And if the rows and rows of endless cars proved anything it was that transportation in Tokyo was a nightmare.

While he rested his head on his steering wheel he glanced at the clock, 4:55, great. He was going to be late picking Chiaki up from daycare.

Frustrated he turned and parked his car at the curb. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, might as well take ten minutes for fresh air and stretch his legs. If traffic hadn't cleared up by then he'd call the daycare and tell them he'll be late.

He was also illegally parked, but what the hell did he care? If they wanted to tow his car they'd have to get thrown this traffic first.

The only pleasant thing about his situation is that he was only a block from the park. It used to be Ueno Park, but housing development projects had eaten up some of its land and it had been renamed. Kamui couldn't remember the new name, which was funny because he _was_ in the real-estate business. One would think he'd pay more attention to these things.

The blossoms were wilting. The petals fluttering towards the ground and for the first time Kamui had known they were not replaced with lush buds of sweet perfumed flowers. It was later spring and the Sakura was shedding it's blossoms to make way for hungry green leaves.

Ofuda-- drained of their power-- had fallen to the ground some time ago. They tumbled a few steps whenever the wind picked up like old spirits dancing on the grass. But otherwise they were dead, lifeless, empty.

Kamui stared at the scene he had wandered upon quite unconsciously. He had not been to this place in four years. Though at night when his bed was cold he sometimes longed to see Subaru again he would never allow himself to think of coming here. If Subaru was to be found here then he had not finished what he must do, and in that case there was no point in seeing him.

But tonight he found the most frightening sight had lured him from the citizens enjoying the early evening as it set in the park. Drawn him even, from his car in the mist of traffic to this spot, draw him out of his very life.

Green eyes stared with a dreary and drugged expression. There were smiles in those eyes, but there was also the most haunting peace. Like a peace of death.

"Subaru.."

When he started running, he could not stop. He slid in the mud and landed soundly on his knees next to the man. Pants cake thickly with mud he moved to touch the body that was cradled between the giant roots of the Sakura. "Subaru!"

Subaru turned his head and smiled vacantly. His eyes shifted toward the ceiling of fluttering petals above them with a child's fascination. "Kamui ... Isn't it beautiful?"

Surely the Sakurazukamori was connected to the Sakura but does that mean if the Sakura loses it's dark power that the Sakurazukamori dies? He shook Subaru a little trying to awaken him from his trance-like state. "Subaru, snap out of it."

"Kamui..." Subaru smiled faintly. "I did it ... I really did it."

Subaru had been unconscious for nearly threes hours. He had passed out in Kamui's car-- which by some miracle of God was speeding down _empty_ streets-- and not regained consciousness for more than a few seconds since then.

Kamui was more than willing to admit he was terrified. Subaru looked almost too peaceful, almost too airy, like his life had been drawn out of him leaving only a beautiful but empty shell.

Too gentle...

According to the doctors there was nothing wrong with him. No reason why he should be floating in and out of a comatose state. No reason for him to be in that comatose state in the first place. And therefore, most frustrating, nothing they could do but wait.

He squeezed Subaru's hand a little as if trying to nudge him awake. It was foolish and useless but he had been there for hours and would likely be there all night.

...wait

"Shit!" Kamui hissed as he shot out of his seat and raced out into the hall. He had forgotten ... how could he have forgotten?

"Oh god, oh god, oh god..." His finger could not dial the numbers fast enough. He had given everything up for this one promise that was most important to him, and now he had let it all slip away so foolishly.

"Hello?"

"Yuzuriha! It's me--"

"Kamui Shirou you have better be dead and locked in the bowels of a fiery hell," Kamui pulled the receiver a little away from his ear so Yuzuriha's yelling didn't make him deaf. "I'm going to _kill_ you."

"I know, I know ... I'm sorry ... I'm really really sorry--"

"Don't tell **ME** you're sorry, tell the little boy who was left standing alone in the dark for a few hours because his dad forgot about him. He was in tears when I got to him Kamui, **_tears_** and he's been worried sick all night because you weren't answering the phone and know one knew where the hell you were--"

"Yuzuriha I'm at the hospital."

There was a brief pause on the other end. He was sure Yuzuriha had heard him if only because she had stopped yelling at him. "Oh my God what happened?"

"I found Subaru. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I know I should have called you and asked you to pick Chiaki up but I found him and I wasn't sure if he was hurt or dying or what ... so I just dragged him to my car and drove to the hospital as fast as I could and everything happened so fast I completely forgot--" he banged his head against the wall. "I'm the worst father in the world I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry--"

"Forget it, it wasn't a problem, how's Subaru-san doing?"

Kamui sighed and leaned up against the pay phone. "They don't know, he's been wobbling in and out of consciousness. He's alive, not very stable ... but alive. I'm going to stay here, will you take care of Chiaki for the night?"

"Suresure, no problem. I'll pick up his things from your apartment tomorrow and he can spend a few days here with me."

"That would be great," Kamui smiled. "Thanks Yu ... how is he?"

"Scared out of his mind, but nothing permanently scarring. He'll get over it as soon as he knows you're safe and haven't abandoned him. Hey ... you want to talk to him?"

"Sure, put him on."

There was the sound of shuffling and Yuzuriha speaking very gently to the sound of sniffling in the background. Kamui felt his guilt go up yet another notch. Jesus he really had been crying hadn't he?

"Dad?"

"Yeah ... I'm here. Listen I know I was suppose to pick you up today and I'm so sorry I didn't get there, but a really good friend of my is very sick and I couldn't leave him alone. Are you okay?"

When raising a child for four years one became remarkable skilled at certain things. Like recognizes the sound of nodding over the phone for example.

"Uh-uh, they called Mom and she came to pick me up."

"Good, you're going to stay with her for a couple of days okay? So be good. I'll be over to see you tomorrow."

And on schedule came the out pouring of confessions of crimes both real and imagined from the four year old's mouth, as if Kamui was just telling him a story and he really was abandoning him because he had been such an unbearably bad child. "... and I'm sorry I stole a cookie out of the cookie jar when I thought you weren't looking. I'm sorry about the seals--"

"Hey-hey, easy there," Kamui smiled. "It's okay, I'm not mad at you Chiaki. I just want to make sure there's someone to take care of you okay? My friend might need me right now, but I'll be back. Don't you worry, I'm not going anywhere okay?"

More nodding sounds.

Kamui glanced at his watch even though he knew perfectly well what time it was. "Now I notice that it is way passed your bedtime, so why don't you go get ready for bed?"

"Okay Dad, Bye."

"Sleep well,"

"You two," Yuzuriha's voice had returned. "Are just too adorable. Really you make me all sparkly."

Kamui let go of the groan he was holding in while he eased his young charge's mind. "Okay, tell me honestly ... how upset was he?"

"Oh I told you, he'll be fine once he sees you haven't stopped loving him for one of his unforgivable offensives-- I heard him give you the list, ah the things we feel guilty over as children..."

"I just can't believe I could forget. It's like I saw Subaru and all I could think about was getting him help."

"It's understandable, you were panicked. And he'll be fine Kamui, it's not like it's the first time he's crashed here you know? He wasn't even waiting for that long, the daycare women called me after a half an hour. You worry about Subaru-san, I'll take care of the little one ... deal?"

"Okay,"

"Pinkie swear?" Yuzuriha prodding him.

"That's a little difficult over the phone isn't it?"

"No excuses from you, you make Subaru-san you're top priority right now!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Kamui?" 

Kamui's hand tightened around Subaru's assuringly. "I'm here."

The onmyouji smiled weakly and appeared to relax somewhat in his hospital bed, comforted by that thought. "Good, I was worried that maybe I had just been hallucinating again."

"Again?"

"Sakura is fond of her illusions ... you changed so much over the years."

"Have I?" Kamui shrugged. "I haven't really noticed."

"Mmmmm..." Subaru closed his eyes with a nod and tried to swallow to clear the dryness in his throat. "You've grown so beautiful."

Kamui flushed and shrugged shyly, "I'm going to tell myself that's just the drugs talking now..."

Subaru's raspy chuckle crackled around the room. "Maybe it is ... but it was no secret that you are attractive."

Having never been particularly fond of anyone commenting on his feminine beauty, plus he found Subaru's amorous mood in the wake of his coma slightly inappropriate, Kamui decided to change the subject. "I thought I'd never see you again Subaru."

"No?"

"Well when I hadn't heard from you after a while I assumed the worst."

"Which would be what? That I had become another unfortunate meal for her or that I had just submitted to her will?"

"I dunno," Kamui admitted shyly. "It kind of depended on the day ... and how lonely I was. Most of the time I thought it would be better if you were dead than enslaved to her, but sometimes when I was lying awake in bed ... thinking about all the happy times I had with you I might have wished that you were still alive out there."

"Well ... here I am."

"Yeah."

"And all this time ... there was no one else Kamui? You could have found someone, I would never wanted you to be lonely or to suffer because of the thin chance I might beat her."

Kamui jumped a little out of his seat and blushed even harder, "Oh no! That wasn't it. I mean ... there's no one else, but it's not like ... I mean well ... there's Chiaki to consider and his well being. I didn't really feel comfortable dating while he's so young."

"Chiaki?"

He looked up from under his bangs where his eyes had been fixated on his fidgeting fingers. "My son ... ahh ... adopted anyway."

"Oh... and this would be--"

"Maiko's child, yes."

"How are your sure that this is her child?" Subaru asked. "I mean that child was put up for adoption ... tracking him down must have been a difficult task."

"I have my resources," Kamui shrugged.

Subaru nodded knowingly, "You used the authority of the Magami family then."

"That helped," the other man admitted. "but Subaru I _knew_, as soon as I had him in my arms again _I knew_."

"Ah," Subaru smiled. "It's good, I'm glad for you Kamui. It must be a lot of work for someone so young though."

"Yuzuriha helps. She has better maternal instincts than me anyway, and she really adores him so we kind of split the parenting duties."

"What an adorable little family you must make."

There was something odd about the way Subaru said it, something terribly bittersweet. The comment left Kamui feeling strangely guilty about their past, as if he had established this life of family and contentment at Subaru's expense. Although Subaru had a large and connected family he had long been isolated from them. In a way Kamui and the Sakura were the only companionship he had, now Kamui had grown up and formed his own family in which there was no room for Subaru. Kamui had not intending things to be like this. He had not noticed that in the course of just trying to survive and protect his newborn son he had locked himself into such a situation.

They had been talking like they were old friends who had returned to mediocre lives. That was not the case, his life had been filled with it's own gentle trials and rewards, but Subaru's...

Well ... he had no idea what Subaru had been through.

"And how have you been Subaru? Did she hurt you?"

There was only a moment's hesitation before Subaru gave in to a small laugh. But in that moment Kamui had seen a spark of more pain than he could even imagine. Perhaps he had not done the right thing by bringing Subaru here. Perhaps it would have been better to leave him there in his state of senseless peace. Perhaps that mindless unfathomable peace had been Subaru's reward for all his trails, and one that Kamui had selfishly and heartlessly ripped away from him. "Pray you never know," Subaru's words were crisp and clear.

The nurse popped her head in and rapped gently on the door. Subaru tensed up immediately, a startled noise cracking in the back of his throat. He looked around quickly like a sparrow weary of a predator hidden somewhere in the nooks of the room. Kamui figured that Subaru simply didn't like the intrusion at first, but as he continued to watch the Sumeragi fidget in the bed that was less and less convincing.

"Are you okay?" he whispered softly while the nurse made notes on his condition.

Subaru swallowed and nodded. His gestures were just a little too flustered for Kamui's liking. Whatever Subaru's time in hell had been like it had certainly made him high strung.

"Kamui?"

"Hm?" he was trying his best not to let on to his worry. He didn't figure it would do Subaru much good to know that Kamui found his behavior somewhat unnerving.

"You're a good deal shyer than I recall you being."

Kamui eyes watched the nurse leave before answering. After all he wanted to be truthful, but it was more important to be tactful. "Well ... you've never shown open interest in me before. I don't respond well to this sort of thing."

"Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"...no not really, just ... happy," he smile reflected some secret they both shared. "I want to be with you, I've always wanted to be with you."

He was blushing much harder now and he thought it quite ridiculous that a man his age should be blushing. Particularly when the subject of all those blushes was a former lover. Was there anything to be shy about with Subaru?

However, Subaru's open advances did make him uncomfortable-- but he could never tell Subaru that after all that had happened. He was flattered of course, and it wasn't that he wanted to Subaru to be aloof or anything. It just didn't seem right... To express his desire so openly and earnestly ... it didn't seem like something Subaru would do. When Subaru expressed certain designs upon Kamui like this they were almost always without feeling, as if it were something he wanted but not for love.

There was a certain part of him that wanted to run into Subaru's arms and hug the older man just to know that he was real. He was really back. But as strong as those desires were, he was held back by the shame he felt in wanting to believe that nothing had changed. It were these moments that Subaru always seemed to take advantage of. Kamui didn't know whether to think this opportunist knack was immoral or not, but when his fingers trailed slowly down Kamui's cheek, Kamui could only close his eyes softly and try to think of what to do. He knew what he wanted, but what was right?

"You look tired," Subaru noted, a touch of something soft and beautiful in his voice.

"I was here all night..." Kamui murmured, why couldn't he meet Subaru's eyes?

"They let you do that?"

"I think they pitted me."

Too easily Subaru pulled Kamui into the hospital bed and made him rest his head on Subaru's shoulder. "You can rest a little if you want."

Why was Subaru's voice always just above a whisper in these moments, did he know what that soft airy purr in his voice did to Kamui?

"I shouldn't ... they might..."

"Might?"

"Charge you extra."

Subaru laughed and patted Kamui gently on the head. "I missed you."

"Did you?" Kamui replied vacantly. "I figured if you missed me you'd be distracted, don't flatter me. When it came down to business you didn't even think of me."

"Ah ... that's true, I didn't, I couldn't ... but a still missed you. I just didn't realize it until I saw you again."

"I missed you too ... I missed this."

That was an understatement, Subaru's very presence was making him tingle pleasantly. A rough mixture of lust and longing was pounding through his blood, making him feel hot and fidgety. He was trying to restrain himself because he had thought getting aroused from only a few moments would be terribly rude.

But he was failing miserably, and the way Subaru was gently touching him wasn't helping.

Kamui sat up immediately, "I shouldn't be doing this..."

"Why not?"

"Because ... it's so inconsiderate ... you've just come out of a coma ... you should rest." That wasn't the real reason he shouldn't be doing it. It was inconsiderate and unconscionably rude to certain people he had rather ambiguous commitments too.

Subaru answered with a kiss. Not a forceful passionate kiss, but soft and subtle it lingered gently on his lips, taking a little then giving back, nibbling gently on the delicate pink skin...

Kamui resolve was quickly crumbling. He was very bad at acting in situations like this where what he wanted and what he had to do for others conflicted. He felt very strongly that having a sexual relationship with Subaru at this time would be a very very bad idea. Yet those merky midnight dreams and fantasies were raising from the deepest parts of his mind where they had been brewing for the years they had been separated and everything seemed to scream 'yes' inside him.

He knew he should tell Subaru to stop, Kamui had a family to consider and Subaru's erratic behavior made this an irresponsible choice. But Subaru pulled him up onto his lap and worked his hand under his shirt, Kamui's body protested the very thought of stopping.

What was the matter with him? He was an adult ... he should have a bit more self control than that. Yet his arms had worked their way around Subaru's neck and his body was pressed heavily against Subaru's. Subaru's tasted lightly of talc power...

It was the onmyouji who broke away. Their were both panting and excited, but Kamui at least was thankful that he had stopped.

"Not here..." Subaru sighed heavily, leaning back slowly into his pillows. "Not here, I don't want to have to rush ... I want to take my time."

It took a moment for Kamui to grasp what Subaru meant by that. Frankly much more of this and Kamui was going to pass out from blood rushing back and forth between the two ends of his body. He was already beginning to feel lightheaded.

Kamui appeared at the door with flowers and the most ridiculous grin smothering his face. It was obvious that he felt guiltier than was necessary, but then he had given away his life to one promise that he had carelessly put into jeopardy. He thought if he could make it up to her, he could make it up to Fuuma as well.

Yuzuriha smiled and cocked her head to the side, watching Kamui get down on his knees curiously. "Dork, you're not going to propose again are you?"

"DADDY!!!!!"

Being on his knees put him at a distinct disadvantage when a toddler decides to pounce. Kamui rubbed his head and found himself sprawled out quite comically on the floor, his four year old charge hugging his chest like it was a frail piece of driftwood giving him refuge from the ocean.

"Hey kid," Kamui pushed himself up a bit and handed the-- now slightly bent-- flowers to Yuzuriha. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Mommy let me stay home today," Chiaki said quickly and defensively. "I wanted to go, really I did!"

"I see," Kamui hummed softly as he swing the child up onto his shoulder and ducked into the apartment. "You're not driving your mom crazy are you?"

It was in the wave of furious denial that Yuzuriha noted, "that's daddy's job." She was putting the brightly colored flowers in water and fussing over the wounded stems. "Have you eaten?"

"Not since lunch yesterday," he admitted as he sat Chiaki down and kicked off his shoes.

"Would you like to have lunch with us then?"

There was a time long ago when Yuzuriha would have gasped a forced food on him. Her kind enthusiasm had aged into a more reserved elegance.

"That would be lovely, yes."

Chiaki rejoiced and grabbed Kamui by the hand, dragging him to see all the milestones he had missed in his son's like the mere 24 hours he had been away.

Twenty minutes later, Yuzuriha found them in Chiaki's room coloring together. Presently they were debating the level of realism in coloring the sky blue. Chiaki was petitioning for more options ... mainly the 200 crayon pack that he saw in the store before...

She tactfully cleared her throat. "Gentlemen..."

"Food!" Chiaki shouted, racing off to the table like mad.

In the beginning, Kamui had told Yuzuriha everything about he and Subaru, no detail was spared for privacy. He had felt somewhat obligated to do so, as if she was really his wife and had a right to know about such past affairs. In truth he had often found himself thinking of her that way, not as an old friend but with the companionship that one finds in a spouse. True with Subaru he had a sense of passion and devotion that was hard to rival, but the quite grace and contentment she gave his life over shadowed other aspects that might be lacking. The two affairs complimented each other wonderfully, but he did not want to seem greedy or ungrateful. Nor did he want to hurt either one of them.

It was this problem that was nettling him, pushing him into a soft melancholy that he hoped was not coming through to his family. On one hand the torch he carried for Subaru had never completely gone out and before they had parted ways they were so close ... so intimate. It had been his intention then to start a new life with Subaru as soon as the Sumeragi had finished his work. That intention had not changed, even though it was quite impossible, since his fantasies had prevented his mind from realizing the barriers time and convenience had erected. On the other hand Yuzuriha had threaded herself so strongly into his life and should he do anything to hurt her he was certain he would never forgive himself. It was unfair to have them both, yet it would be cruel of him to turn his back on either one of them.

"How's Subaru-san?" Yuzuriha asked softly. He had been poking a chunk of roasted fish vacantly with his chopstick for five minutes, so much for not showing his trouble. But at least she had assumed incorrectly.

"Oh ... better. He regained consciousness this morning and since they have run just about every test imaginable the doctor said they'll probably release him tomorrow."

"What's wrong with him?"

"They don't know ... everything keeps coming back normal. I get the feeling they'd like to hold him longer just to see if he relapses, but Subaru is getting cranky. I don't think he likes hospitals much."

"Who does?" she shrugged.

"Couldn't blame him ... he's had so many X-rays and CAT scans I wouldn't be surprised if he glows in the dark now."

Chiaki sat at the table chewing dutifully as he glanced between parents. It was safe to say that he understood only a little of what they were talking about, but he could definitely appreciate the last part. "Cooool."

A sideways glance to the smallest and somewhat forgotten member of the table, "careful brat or I'll sell you to the psych ward."

Chiaki blinked dumbly at him.

"They'd. Send. Him. Back." Yuzuriha smiled. "But you can try ... why don't you take him along when you go see Subaru?"

Kamui twitched a bit. He couldn't think of a good reason to say no, but at the suggestion he mind was flooded with memories of the elicit encounter just that morning. Not something he'd consider a family moment at all.

"Who's Subaru-san?"

"Someone we knew as kids," Yuzuriha chirped. "I'm sure he's love to see you again."

"Me?"

"Sure, Subaru-san was there when you were born."

Chiaki's eyes grew impressively wide, "really?"

Well hell you're his cousin, Kamui thought rather darkly. He wasn't comfortable with introducing his son to him former lover, especially if it required more lies, but he supposed Chiaki got bored easily enough that it would be a short meeting. At the very least he could be assured Subaru would behave himself.

Two minutes...

Two minutes two wide pairs of eyes had been staring at each other, completely dumbstruck. Two people, two eyes locked so intensely Kamui didn't know quite what to say. He felt this was a bit disturbing-- probably good fodder for a so-called "sweatdrop moment"-- and had attempted to break the spell by waving his hand in between them. That hadn't seemed to do any good at all.

He coughed lightly, Subaru looked up at him as if he was just noticing his presence, Chiaki skitted behind his legs shyly.

Well ... this was odd.

"Chiaki, this is Subaru Sumeragi ... say hello," Kamui nudged with his arm the child that was at the present moment hugging his leg tight enough to cut off circulation.

Chiaki peeked out at Subaru again and darted further behind Kamui.

"He's usually not this shy," Kamui murmured in explanation. "Chiaki, there's nothing to be afraid of."

"I'm not afraid."

"Then?"

The boy pointed accusingly at Subaru as if that explained everything, then seemed to grasp the inanity of any such suggestion and give up with a little sigh. He dragged himself out from behind Kamui and introduced himself, "Nice to meet you, Sumeragi-san I'm Chiaki Shirou."

He bowed somewhat reluctantly as if he suspected Subaru might go for his brains as soon as he turned his eyes away.

"Nice to meet you," Subaru smiled in response. "How old are you now ... 4?"

"4 and 1/8" Chiaki corrected.

"I thought we stopped counting any lower than 1/4..."

"But I'm not exactly four."

"Yes well," Kamui cleared his throat. "Subaru has trouble with math ... let's humor him shall we?"

Chiaki's pension for the precise had always baffled Kamui. The boy could be flat out pedantic at times and Kamui could find no suitable influence to explain the behavior. While he could be extremely neurotic about somethings-- giving his son a "normal" life for one-- he had never been that exacting with facts since ... he never had much confidence in his own knowledge. Yuzuriha certainly wasn't a stickler for accuracy when it came to casual conversation. Where Chiaki had pick the attitude up was something of a mystery.

He tried to convince himself that it was the age. That Chiaki had simply got caught up in the pride of the knowledge he had acquired. Yet sometimes it seemed to hang over the verge of an arrogance that haunted Kamui.

Chiaki climbed up into the chair next to Subaru's bedside, his feet dangling in midair coyly as his took up his end of their staring contest once again. This time however, Subaru only allowed himself a long glance before he forced them into an actual conversation. "So what are you doing now?"

Normally Kamui might have answered joking 'living off of rich men', but his son was in the room and that was certainly one comment that he would not want passed along to Hondo-sensei. Even though at times it felt like that was the only thing he was truly qualified to do. Despite the fact that he had passed all the proper exams and earned his place among the working class he could not help feeling as if he did not belong. As if he had somehow cheated because he had never graduated high school. "Oh I'm working as a Real-estate agent."

Subaru blinked, and behind those wide puzzled eyes he assumed Subaru was trying to picture him as a real estate agent. Leading couples and families cheerfully through bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchens and living rooms, showing them the breath taking view, showing them the spacious green backyard, showing them the closet space, in a bright gold blazer while holding a clipboard full of paperwork.

After he had imagined all of this Subaru, predictably, laughed, "really? Whatever possessed you to start with that?"

"Well, I had this little dependent and I had to find a job so that I could feed him. There weren't many jobs available in Tokyo what with so little of it standing, especially not for a guy who never got past 10th grade. So I went down to a construction site and asked for a job."

"And?"

"And they laughed at me," Kamui blushed just a little. It wasn't as humiliating now as it had been then. Even he could admit that a scrawny, feminine looking youth with clumsy hands asking for a job as a construction worker was a pretty humorous picture. He had understood too why they laughed, but he couldn't think of anything else he might be qualified for. "But there was a Realtor there at the time checking in on the progress of construction who was impressed by my determination to find a job-- or maybe just flat out pitted me-- and offered me a position as a secretary--" he was sure that was an even funnier image. Kamui sitting in a sea of frantically ringing phones having no idea what to do. "I learned the ropes there and took my real estate exams two years ago."

He caught Subaru twitch just a little. He wondered what in his happy little tale could possible have bothered Subaru when he followed the man's line of sight and realized that during to course of his explanation Chiaki had been playing with one of the machines hooked up to Subaru. Not jabbing at buttons or anything, just innocently rolling the plastic tubing across his fingers. He quickly scooped his son out of the seat and sat in his place, settling Chiaki in his lap where his curiosity could be properly policed. Now that he was paying more attention to it he realized the machine was not the harmless saline IV he had assumed it was. "Morphine?" Kamui breathed. "Are you in pain?"

Subaru quickly shook his head, looking much more relaxed now that the child was away from the drip. "Not much, I'm just ... a little uncomfortable."

Kamui was by no means a doctor, but he had been a serious patient enough times to know that hospitals didn't just give morphine for a little discomfort. Morphine was for serious pain. He hugged Chiaki little closer to his chest as he frowned at Subaru, "are you sure?"

The onmyouji nodded nervously, in a way that was child-like and not at all believable. "Yeah, they're releasing me aren't they?"

Because he felt that it would not be a good example for his son, Kamui did not argue with Subaru. Nor did he say what was really on his mind at the time, which was that the hospital could not hold Subaru against his will here if he wanted to leave. And Subaru really _really_ wanted to leave, that much was obvious.

Chiaki was getting restless, a sure sign that he was bored already. Not that Kamui could blame him, there wasn't much for him to amuse himself with-- other than the morphine drip. In it's own little way it was convenient, he wanted to speak to Subaru privately for a moment.

Digging into his pocket he produced a small bill, "hey you want a soda?"

Chiaki nodded brightly, "candy bar."

"No, you just ate, soda. If I dump you off with Mommy on a sugar high she'll kill me."

"...okay."

Like any good child he snatched up the money before Kamui could give it a second thought and rushed off to the hall vending machine. Kamui smiled, was it wrong of him to find Chiaki's cunning charming? He turned back to Subaru "there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah ... Since he's a Sumeragi, does that mean he's ... you know ... got the stuff?"

Subaru hummed and considered the question. "Hard to tell," he eventually admitted, "Daichi was the youngest of seven children, four of them are onmyoujis of varying strengths. However Daichi isn't among them and there's no reason to think Maiko has any power. It isn't unheard of for normal parents to have a child with power, but normally it's passed directly from the parents to the child...

"But that isn't what you want to know."

How perceptive of him to pick that up. "Well... I mean..."

"What if he's not what you think he is?"

Kamui smiled with the subtle irony he had only recently discovered an appreciation for, "you mean 'who' Subaru. Who I think he is."

"Pardon my oversight, yes of course ... who. You have to know that what you believe is a very difficult thing for anyone else to have any faith in."

"Does it matter if he's not Fuuma?" Kamui answered, his voice was gentle but if there was any doubt in his heart Subaru couldn't detect it. "He's my son Subaru, and if God came down tomorrow and told me that Fuuma was gone for good it wouldn't matter at all. Symbolically it's the same thing, isn't it?"

"So what you're saying is 'it's the thought that counts'?"

"Yeah ... yeah I guess I am." He beamed.

The Morphine, as it turned out, was for Subaru's foot. He had managed to injury it somewhere in the course of the final battle with the Sakura. By Sunday the doctor had switched him to an anti-inflammatory over the counter drug. Subaru seemed to confuse this with a clean bill of health and became even more anxious to leave.

Fortunately, he needed someone to drive him home. Also fortunately the only one Subaru knew who could do that was the same person who was determined not to let Subaru kill himself with his foolishness. Kamui was committed to keeping Subaru in the hospital's care for as long as possible.

All it took was a simple lie about his work schedule to convince Subaru to stay until evening. A simple lie really, he only felt a tiny bit guilty about poor lonely Subaru starring out the window waiting to go home as he pushed Chiaki on the swings.

The small playgournd was one of their favorite late afternoon spots, even before Chiaki was old enough to make use of it. On warm Sundays there was hardly anyone there, the cool grass and playful amusements were theirs to ravish.

Kamui pulled Chiaki's swing roughly to a halt and declared, "turn's over."

Chiaki whined.

"You know the rules, you can play in the sandbox if you like."

His son had a knack for pouting and leaned up against the wooden pole supporting the swings. A silent protest through the abstention of fun.

Kamui couldn't have cared less. He stood on the soft rubber swing and called out like a herald into the night, "Adult Swing!!"

Yuzuriha popped her head over the research study she had been reading and laughed. It was the tradition of second childhoods that she loved in Kamui. Although it probably wasn't normal for parents to kick their children off the swings, Kamui was willing to digress from the strictly normal on certain matters.

She plopped down in the swing next to him. His skin was glowing with a slight healthy flush that she found especially charming. His eyes twinkling with a sense of confidence she rarely knew from him. It was this Kamui she liked the best.

"Who do you think can go higher?" he asked Chiaki.

"Mommy."

"Sorry Kamui, your short legs are going to lose again."

Inuki sat on the soft picnic blanket they had laid out. His chin resting on his paws and tail flickering oddly every now and then. From the look in his wise canine eyes one might think he was ashamed to be seen with two full grown Dragons or Heaven behaving in such a manner. Their light bodies being flung into the air and gliding back down on black rubber seats, giggles and cries of victory exploding across the playground with each pass.

"I'm going to jump!" Kamui announced.

"No Kamui you'll break your leg!!"

Having a four year old son to cheer from the Earth below and goad him on did much for Kamui's sense of adventure. When the swing reached it's peak he pushed off of it, sailing back down to the grassy surface.

It wasn't a graceful landing true, but no bones were broken and when Chiaki made a mad dash for the swing to try the trick himself, Kamui managed to get up and snag him before he went splat.

"Let's play on the slide now..."

"Godzilla!" Chiaki cried.

Godzilla was Kamui's least favorite game, and were it not that the alternative was dangerous swing acrobatics Kamui might have protested. He was reluctantly dragged to the sandbox in any case.

With any other child the game might have seemed innocent and uncomplicated. But Chiaki had always been a special child-- even if he lacked the powers of his lineage-- and the game stirred up dark trembling memories from Kamui's past. They coated his mood like rich, black molasses and drew him down into a well of pollution he didn't dare draw from anymore.

It was the past, and Chiaki deserved a father who wasn't secretly terrified of him.

Some days he could play along as if nothing were amiss and make little animated screams as the four year old's tiny feet came down on sand buildings. As he growled and hissed, tore up the sand streets and stomped out any defense the imaginary sand castle people might prepare.

Other days Kamui would stare dimly at the patterns the soles of Chiaki's sneakers left in the soft sand, wondering how he had ever found the strength to escape all that pain. He would look up and meet Yuzuriha's eyes-- concerned and darkly sympathetic, had she been watching them all this time?-- and try to drain all his regret and guilt out in one soft smile.

There were times in that first year when Chiaki would cry and Kamui could not go to him. He was so afraid of what he might see in those bright gold eyes, distantly terrified of the demons circling that crib.

Yu would wake up-- she stayed over often that first year-- take the boy in her arms, rock him gently and bring him to Kamui-- who sometimes shied away, sometimes accepted gingerly. Her eyes used to say 'it's just a baby, what are you afraid of silly?' warmly and softly ... she was never frustrated with him no matter how often it happened.

"What if I do something wrong?"

"You couldn't possibly," she assured him.

Distantly Kamui was not afraid of kindling sadistic tendencies in Chiaki, but the opposite. The kind, empathetic Fuuma had sacrificed his soul for him, Kamui was more terrified that this child might love him that much.

"They're not the same Kamui," she told him, pushing the baby's bottle into his hand. "You need to do this."

He did.

The feeling of a handful of sand being dumped on his head snapped the present into focus dramatically.

"Chiaki!!"

In retrospect he supposed among the many reasons he needed Yuzuriha the fact that she had a much more convincing 'your in trouble young man' voice was pretty high on the list. He shook the troublesome sand out of his hair as she scolded the boy for his mischief.

"We don't throw sand, got it?"

"Yes Mom..."

"I think play time is over for you, apologize and say goodbye to Dad."

Kamui looked at his watch, he told Subaru he'd pick him up at 7. Now would definitely be a good time to leave. After hugs and kisses and a bit of casual traffic maneuvering, Kamui arrived to pick up the second immature mind about to throw a temper tantrum.

"Feeling better?"

"I'm fine," Subaru announced, throwing aside the magazine he was skimming and getting out of bed none too slow. He was fully dressed and had probably been ready to go all day.

"How's your foot?"

"Fine, the swelling down. It's just a little sore ... I want to go home."

He was very antsy, as if there was a bomb in the hospital and if they didn't get out right away they would meet an awful fiery death.

Or worse yet, another night in the hospital.

For once Kamui was very calm and unconcerned about the urgency. "All the paperwork's taken care off?"

"Yes!" Subaru hissed, Kamui tried not to take that personally.

"And you're sure you're okay?"

"Fine," he stomped the wrong foot impatiently and immediately recoiled with a pained yelp.

"Uh-huh..."

"...Please take me home."

"Okay, okay..." Kamui really couldn't resist a plee like that now could he? He took Subaru's arm gently and walked them out, ignoring the way Subaru's gate was broken and clumsy. It was just a swollen foot. Remarkably it hadn't been broken or sprained or even twisted. Like many elements of Subaru's affliction it was without cause or reason.

Fifteen minutes later Kamui had decided that Tokyo hated him.

"No no no no no no! Goddamnit it's 8 o' clock on a **_Sunday_**!! Where are all you people going?!?!?!"

Subaru looked over the sea of car much bewildered. New Tokyo had been built right over old Tokyo and as a result not all areas followed a nice traffic flow pleasing grid pattern. Kamui was seriously considering blasting through the abandoned building and making his own goddamn road when a slightly less reckless move came to mind.

"Do you like Chinese?"

Subaru blinked, "I guess..."

"Good, my treat..." satisfied he cut across three lanes of traffic, hopped the island in the most illegal U-turn possible and headed towards his apartment.

"You look pale Subaru, sure you're all right?"

"Do you always drive like this?" Subaru gulped.

"Only on special occasions."

Kamui's biggest mistake was excusing himself to wash the meddlesome sand out of his hair before he took Subaru home. He had ordered some food from the restaurant below his apartment and had it brought up stairs since one look at Subaru told him that the man did not have the spirit for public dining. They had managed to have polite conversation without bringing up the considerable pains of the past.

He had been scratching his head trying to get the sand out of his hair all through dinner. Subaru said nothing about it, but he certainly gave Kamui his fair share of confused, slightly concerned looks.

"Lice?"

Kamui stared, the way the Sumeragi was chewing curiously he couldn't quite tell if he was serious suggesting that he had lice or not. "Sand." he corrected.

"Sand?"

"Yeah ... got sand in my hair."

"How'd you do that?" Subaru tilted his head to the side.

Just before he managed to incriminate himself he realized that he couldn't tell Subaru he was at the playground since he had sworn to the man that only the mountains of imaginary paper work he had to do could keep him from saving Subaru from the horrors of the hospital.

"Ahhh... well... you know," he shrugged. "Those crazy brokers. Would you mind if I took a quick shower before I take you home? I know it's late but this is driving me insane."

Subaru shook his head, and Kamui probably should have suspected some alternative motive...

The morning after Kamui hung in a dream like daze cuddled in the warmth of his bed and bedmate. He had waited four years for this, with no promise that it would ever return to him in this life. It had not been four long years, or four bitter years. They had not been hard to endure at all, instead they had been filled with many unique joys from the family Kamui had establish around him.

But his bed had always been the coldest and darkest of places to him. Four years his bed had never felt the warm comforting glow it felt now. The sun had never shown through the windows and lit the plain dreary bedroom with currents of gold as it did now. Could it be that their union had moved the heavens?

No, he was being idealistic clearly. And his common sense would return to him once he was more fully awake.

"Where's your boy?"

The words 'your boy' sounded very odd coming from Subaru indeed. Kamui looked up, pleased that he was a wash in greens, pale golds and blacks. Interesting that Subaru should compliment his bedroom so. "Eh," he replied in the vacant droopiness of sleep. "Yu is baby-sitting. She says she'll keep him for the weekend no problem."

He had no real desire to move any time soon. He was nestled comfortably against Subaru, the other's arms wrapped around him in an accepting embrace. Kamui could have stayed like this for another hour or two-- happily drifting in and out of sleep-- but he knew Subaru was getting restless.

"So what now?" he asked.

Subaru seemed momentarily surprised by the question and regarded it carefully before he decided upon a shrug for his answer.

"Will you go back to Kyoto?" Kamui provided. "And do the whole Sumeragi thing?"

"I don't know. I want to make sure things are settled here with her."

Now that he was awake Kamui couldn't help noticing Subaru was troubled. That his answers were empty and that his attention was not on their conversation at all. Kamui couldn't blame him, what had happened-- for indeed if it was right for it to happen at all-- had happened much too soon. It had been wonderful, especially since he hadn't had any kind of sexual release since he'd left Subaru, but it had been a foolish decision.

"Subaru..." he nudged him gently. "It's all right if you regret it."

The way Subaru tensed up it was almost as if his skin had jumped at the comment.

"You do regret it don't you?" Kamui asked sweetly. He was not offended by the thought. Now that the satisfaction had been reached, the events themselves weren't sitting right with him.

"No..." Subaru breathed, but even he didn't believe that. "It just wasn't ..."

"Go on."

"I thought it would fix something and it didn't. It was probably stupid to think sex could fix anything right Kamui?"

"Probably."

"Do you regret it?"

He did, but not in a way he could really express. He could only hit on one definite reason why it all seemed so wrong...

"I asked Yu to marry me once," he had no idea what possessed him to actually say it. Certainly while snuggled comfortably in bed with an old lover wasn't the best time to bring it up, but it was exactly this situation that fixated him on those alcohol laced memories.

Subaru shifted, justifiably uncomfortable with the conversation ... though he had seemed troubled all morning no doubt he felt that being so quick to open up old wounds was a mistake for both of them now. "She said no?"

"I dunno, she laughed and it started raining. We were both pretty drunk ... it was one of the few nights she managed to convince me to take a break and let a baby-sitter handle the little antichrist. But I was so worried and nervous about it that ... I guess I ended up drinking a little too much.

"We were both too wasted to drive so we started walking the ten or twelve city blocks home. We passed by a jewelry store, it was closed and dark but the gems still glittered in the streetlight. I asked her, cause at the time it made perfect sense..."

"So..." Subaru said dryly. "You could be cheating on your fiancee now."

"Yeah ... I guess so." That was the root of it, wasn't it? Yuzuriha and he weren't like that, but still it didn't seem right or fair to have something on the side like this.

"Yuzuriha, do you have a boyfriend?"

The knife stopped just short of her finger and backed away slowly from the radish it had been cutting. When she looked up Kamui's eyes were sincere and troubled, but she knew him well enough to know that he was rarely if ever direct about what troubled him.

"Well ... no, not right now." Yuzuriha was uncomfortable answering such a question. True they had shared many personal matters before, but this wasn't quite the same thing. "Why do you ask?"

Kamui flushed a color that rivaled the tomato he was cutting along side her. He didn't answer right away, the flustered strands of his hair swept into his eyes and he nervously pushed them away. The words kept repeating over and over in his head, in exactly the same way, in exactly the same tone, but he couldn't raise his voice from his throat. How hard could it be to speak the words? "I slept with Subaru."

There.

Moments later the knife continued it's dull clicking against the cutting board as Yuzuriha sliced vegetables for the dinner they were preparing. "Last night?"

Kamui nodded shyly. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I know we're just friends, but it still feels like cheating."

"I see," she had a sigh that was remarkably comforting. He was sure discussing his sex life was not something Yu liked doing. "So if I have a boyfriend it doesn't seem as bad?"

She was smiling. "Yeah," Kamui shrugged. "Kind of, but I wanted to tell you about it anyway."

"Are you going to see him again?"

"I don't know." How easy would it be to just ask Yuzuriha's permission to keep sleeping with Subaru? Just set everything at her feet because he knew she would never deny him this. And yet, he didn't want to be a child about this, greedily and hungrily hoarding what he wanted without concern for others.

"You want to though," she mused.

In all honesty, he wasn't sure if that was true. Yes the pleasure of Subaru's touch was addictive, and he did care deeply for the man, but at the same time the guilt of satisfaction at the expensive of other people he loved was heavy. Which one was the thicker emotion? He honestly didn't know.

"Have you been ... I dunno ... 'faithful' to me Yuzuriha?"

"You mean have I been turning down the multitudes of suitors so that I can come home and cook your meals, clean up after you and your kid, smile and nod as you bang your head on the table over God knows what, and be prepared with hugs, kisses, cookies, and Band-Aids?" She grinned and smacked him playfully on the cheek. "Of course Kamui."

He chuckled, "I just ... this is a complicated relationship, I want to know where we stand. It's so easy to say we're friends, just good friends, but what the hell does that mean?"

She shrugged, "that we're not making out on the couch."

"Well duh ... but I think this whole mess would be simpler if we were. I mean you're Chiaki's mother, maybe not biologically, but I couldn't bear the thought of putting even the slightest distance between you two all the same."

"That's sweet Kamui," she patted him on the head and slid the vegetables onto the frying pan. "But no, I haven't turned down any advances for your sake. These will be done in a minute, set the table will you?"

He grabbed the bowls and plates from the cabinet and began laying them out. "I don't believe that, you're telling me that there's not one cock-sure grad student trying to woo you?"

"Oh well ...I never said that," Yuzuriha commented with a wink. "I just don't turn them down for your sake."

"Then what?"

"There's just always something missing." She tossed a spare piece of beef in Inuki's direction, the spirit dog snatched it up with a pleased yelp and Kamui got the point.

"Oh..."

"I'm not the same as I was as a child Kamui. I'd like to think that I could love someone who couldn't see Inuki, and I've tried ... but there's always a void in the relationship. I feel like the person will never really know me or understand me, because they're missing such a critical part of my life."

"So it's all or nothing? If you can't have a serious relationship with someone, there's no point in any relationship?"

"Floating around in meaningless relationships isn't anymore comforting ... or any less lonely than the way things are now. There was a person long ago I wanted to be with in a serious way." She sighed a little sadly, and that was the only tremor disturbing her perfect ease. "But that was cut short and there's no point in dwelling on mistakes you can't change."

"I'm sorry, you deserve so much more than this."

"Do I? ... I dunno Kamui, I think things are all right exactly the way they are. I'm not lonely, and the truth is, you're a much better friend than you think you are. You're a much greater comfort to me than you realize ... Dinner's ready."

She was swept away in the flurry of activity as food was placed on the table and Chiaki circled the kitchen demanding explanations on everything his parents were trying to pass off as food.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Freecell 

"You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't absolutely necessary."

Subaru looked curiously at the phone and shifted it better under his chin. "What do I do with him?"

"Just pick him up from daycare--"

"Daycare?"

"Yeah it ends at 5 in the school building. Feed him, pop in a movie, let him color ... easy stuff. I'm only asking for a few hours Subaru, this closing is going to take all evening and Yuzuriha has her thesis defense..." The irony of placing his son in Subaru care, who used to kill children, was not lost on Kamui. But that had been a different time, a different Subaru ... he hoped.

He had hopped out of closings before and if he did this time and the deal was blown he would lose his job. Although Chiaki would likely feel abandoned and unloved, sometimes you had to hurt the ones you loved in order to protect them. Fuuma had taught him that.

"Please?"

"Okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Thank god ... I called the school and told them you'd be picking him up, if you have a problem just call me."

Subaru did not believe in daycare. He understood why Kamui made use of childcare providers, but he saw no reason for him to make any use of them. After all he had been staring vacantly at his wall all morning.

"Oh ... I was under the impression you were picking him up at 5."

"Change of plans," Subaru said, lifting his sunglasses smoothly and giving her his most charming smile.

Subaru had come from a traditional family where children were raised by their parents. On the rare occasion where they could not be they were raised by family. He did not believe in leaving children to the company of strangers who were paid to look after them.

Being that Kamui had no other options available, Subaru would overlook it.

"Well ... Shirou-san is usually better about--"

"I know, he's just having an extremely busy day today."

"We should call--"

He put his hand down sharply on the phone before she could reach it and made use of the intimidating presence he had picked up accidentally as the Sakurazukamori. "Please, he's under a lot of stress now. I don't want him to feel like he has to worry about Chiaki-kun on top of everything else."

"Oh," the woman breathed. "I guess not ... well, he's on the playground right now--"

"Thank you," Subaru dismissed her with a wave of his hand and moved to walk out of the office.

"Hey ... wait a minute!"

He let the door shut out the sound as it closed behind him. He was being unreasonably childish he knew, but the attitude helped him nurse himself out of the lost and confused mood he had found himself in since that night with Kamui.

Why were mistakes so difficult to see for what they were before they happened? At the time it had seemed so natural, so right, and had felt so _good_ neither one of them had even thought to question why they were doing it. Of course what blaring red lights was he looking for? When did such things not feel good?

Life didn't make any sense anymore. He loved Kamui in his own way, which was a far cry from the starry-eyed passionate love of other people, but it was love all the same. Kamui loved him, but Kamui also loved Yuzuriha and Chiaki. Subaru had no desire to make Kamui "choose", he had not expressed any disapproval with their current situation, but yet the necessity of a choice was still present and demanding.

Subaru didn't understand why the simple act of living always had to be so damn complicated.

He supposed that was just the way of things.

And as if life was not screwy enough on its own, he could literally feel a deep void in his soul-- like a large crater left on his heart by the impact of something horrible. A hole that the Sakura's drug-like snare had blinded him to, but now that the Sakura was gone it was all his mind could think about. This emptiness…

Like any naïve individual, and it seemed if nothing else he was permanently naïve, he thought he could fill that void with love and everything would be okay again. But the void had rejected Kamui and would not leave him in peace now. So it appeared another unscalable wall had been put between them.

And with that in mind, he wished Kamui would be happy with his hard earned family instead of ruining it for him.

Subaru had hoped to get back to his onmyouji duties after he had finished with the Sakura-- assuming he lived of course. But lately he had been feeling strangely distant from himself and had trouble concentrating. The clan had ordered him to take a vacation, the problem being Subaru had never had a vacation before and didn't know exactly what to do with one.

Inevitably he ended up staring at his wall.

Although he was sure that Chiaki was a perfectly charming and sweet child to everyone else, the boy was far from happy to see Subaru. It took a nudge from his teacher for him to get any closer, which he eventually obliged with a scowl that attacked Subaru defiantly.

It was a really long walk back to his car.

Subaru opened the passenger side door and indicated for Chiaki to get in. He was aware that small children needed certain adjustments to keep up with the world their parents had to deal with, but this seemed a simple enough task.

Evidently not…

"I'm not suppose to sit there," the four year old informed him. "It's the law."

"Well then we're criminals I guess ... it's not a long drive, come on."

Chiaki looked him straight in the eye and said without any moral hindrance, "I don't like you."

"Why not?"

"Because you took Daddy away."

Subaru walked around to the driver's side, taking off his sunglasses and his coat before throwing them both in the backseat along with Chiaki's book bag. "Actually the truth is quite the opposite," he mumbled. "Your father's not going to leave you ... certainly not for me."

"He's not here now."

Chiaki was remarkably sharp for such a small child. He could see what Kamui found so unnerving about him. It must be horrible, Subaru thought, being scared of what your own son might become.

"You like to eat don't you? You like having a bed to sleep in?"

"Huh?"

"They are lots of kids in Tokyo without homes or food, how do you think Kamui gets those things for you?"

Chiaki stared blankly at him. Perhaps he should have known better than to reason with a child. Children could often seem more perceptive than they actually were.

"Look," Subaru said. "Either get in the car or I'll feed you to my shrubbery."

Certainly Subaru had a lot to learn about childcare. And tact…

She tapped lightly on the door as she entered, peering around the room for signs of life. All the other offices were abandoned and dark as the men and women of Tokyo had returned to their families for the night. It was late, much later than Kamui usually worked. Yuzuriha had called his apartment only to find that he still was not home, which meant that Chiaki was still with Subaru.

She was on her way to pick the child up when she remembered that sometimes if someone did not physically pick up Kamui and drag him away from his office he might never come back. Things the last couple of days had been rough for all of them, it wasn't good if Kamui started living at the office on top of it.

"Nekoi-san," Kamui's secretary greeted. Her voice was friendly but reasonably exhausted and Yuzuriha's heart went out to the woman. To everyone actually, they all worked so hard here trying to rebuild the fallen city piece by piece.

"Is he still here?"

She nodded, "will you tell him I left for the night? I really have to get home now."

"Of course, of course ... it will be fine, Kamui probably didn't even realize you were still here."

"Probably not," the woman admitted as she packed up her things. "He hasn't come of his office in three hours, if I wasn't so exhausted I'd be inspired."

She chuckled and handed the woman her coat politely. "Did everything go okay today?"

"We got it. The deal is final."

While Yuzuriha was sincerely happy about that, it puzzled her. "Well ... if you finished closing the deal, why is he still here?"

A shrug, "I guess he had some back work to do, he went into his office to file the paperwork and hasn't come out since."

Concerned, she let the secretary politely slip out as she walked over to Kamui's small office and knocked softly on the door.

No answer.

She looked questioningly at Inuki who gave her a matching quizzical glance. Nothing seemed to be amiss around them; the office building had been lulled into a soft, gentle peace as the sun had set. Neither one of them could detect a disturbance of natural or unnatural forces.

She slowly opened the door. "Kamui?"

Kamui was at his desk, head resting on his arms, completely and totally sound asleep.

Inuki seemed disappointed. Yuzuriha laughed. "Oh dear, he's been in here for three hours like this?"

At first he didn't want to wake up. Sleep was so warm and relaxing and it felt so good to not have a thought or worry in his head.

"Kamui ... Kamui come on, wake up. It's time to go home silly."

"Mmmmmm..." Kamui groaned a bit, frowning just before his pair of confused violet eyes fluttered open and blinked wearily. "Yu..."

"Yes honey it's me."

It took a few minutes more for Kamui to process where he was and what had happened before he leaped up in an absolute panic. "Oh my god, I fell asleep!"

"It's all right Kamui-"

"No it's not, I left Chiaki with Subaru and I've still got to finish filing this stuff and make something for dinner and-- god it's so late!!"

"Kamui, Chiaki is fine I spoke to him no less than five minutes ago, Subaru hasn't turned him into plant fertilizer and he seems to be having a good time where he is. I can help you finish this up, and everything else will take care of itself."

For a moment Kamui just stared. It did not surprise her, Kamui was not used to banal problems that had simple and easy solutions, he was used to Earth shattering foreordained problems with impossible solutions.

Kamui settled back into his seat, sighed heavily and smiled at her. "You don't have to help..."

"Let's get it done and get out of here," she told him. Picking up the pile of documents, she divided them in half and pushed the second pile towards him. "There."

"They're filed by seller's last name, top box on the right." He pointed it out to her. "See?"

"Aahh, no problem." She gave him a cheerful thumbs up sign and set about her half of the task. Together they could finish this off quickly, because it seemed like, and had always seemed like, together they could do anything.

"Blue ... red, green, yellow, blue!"

"Nonono, you have to go down the chocolate slide and then you're on this blue."

"Do not!"

"Do too."

Kamui and Yuzuriha found the door to Subaru's apartment unlocked and therefore saw fit to let themselves in. Kamui had been prepared for a whole variety of worsts but not the sight that greeted him in the center of Subaru's apartment. While Yuzuriha giggled, he just gawked … not quite sure whether to think Subaru was adorable, or completely out of his mind.

Chiaki and Subaru were sitting on the floor playing Candyland. What a child's board game was doing in Subaru's apartment in the first place was anyone's guess.

"Daddy!" Chiaki exclaimed, then almost too quickly he pointed accusingly at the Sumeragi and declared "Subaru's cheating!"

"Am not!" Subaru insisted. "You have to go down the chocolate slide like this…"

"Errr ... that's only if you land directly on the slide," Kamui pointed out.

Subaru blinked and looked down at the board game. "Really?"

"Told you so! Told you so!"

"Chiaki don't be-- what in the world happened to you two?"

Now that he was closer and in better light he could see the bright colored smudges littering both of their faces and hands. Chiaki's black hair was actually glowing green and a touch left the strange sticky hairspray like stuff all over his hand.

"Subaru took me to the carnival after school," Chiaki announced.

"... he ... he didn't have to do that..." Kamui began.

"Neh Chiaki you thanked Subaru-san for being so nice to you right?" Yuzuriha smiled, she had every reason to be amused by this scene.

Chiaki nodded as Subaru indicated to the face paint and hair gunk that the toddler had gotten all over him in his show of appreciation.

Kamui was at a loss for words.

"Daddy can I stay over? Subaru lets me have ice cream for dinner."

"Shhhhh..." Subaru hissed, covering the boy's mouth with his hand and pulling him close enough to whisper something hotly in his ear. At which the child cleared his throat and wisely corrected himself. "I mean ... he let me have ice cream _**after**_ dinner ... grilled tofu, green beans and rice, yummy!!!"

"Uh-huh ... well no you can't stay over it's a school night--"

"I'll take him to school tomorrow," Subaru offered.

"You will?"

The onmyouji nodded honestly, "yeah I've got nothing to do."

Too convenient. Kamui didn't trust convenient situations. If it didn't take a hell of a struggle to pull off and a lot of angst getting there it obviously was going to turn on you in the end.

Unfortunately, before he could say no Yuzuriha saw fit to step in. Perhaps she had anticipated his reaction better than he had. "Great, we'll go grab his overnight bag and you can drop him off at my place tomorrow, all right?"

"Sure," Subaru grinned.

"Hey but--"

"Kamui when was the last time you ate out at a place that didn't have menus that came with crayons? Come on," she pushed him towards the door. "Let Subaru worry about getting all that crap off him."

He understood that Yu was only trying to give him a little de-stress time, but he couldn't help feeling guilty about _wanting_ a break from the chaos his child brought into his life. He was pleased of course that Yuzuriha wanted to welcome Subaru into their lives as much as he did "But..."

"No buts," she was dragging him out. "A little 'me time' will do you good."

Lately it seemed like he had had entirely too much 'me time'...

"Bye Daddy, see you tomorrow," Chiaki waved as he closed the apartment door with a sharp click.

"He locked the door..." Kamui nearly gasped. For four years he had been the man ruling over his little family. Not a tyrannical Alpha male type thing of course, but his son always listened to him and Yuzuriha permitted his semi-self destructive tendencies. Now everyone was ganging up against him. "This is mutiny!"

"Kamui just think ... nice hot shower, clean clothes, good food and a little sake..."

It went almost without saying that in a peaceful quite restaurant, with heavy plates filled to their brims with food, and candlelight and soft music, Kamui would be immediately inclined to angst unnecessarily. It wasn't that he _wished_ to disturb the wonderful peace of the environment, it was just the way his mind seemed to work.

He was fortunate then that it was Yuzuriha who was with him tonight. It was hard to angst with her. Doing so made him feel ungrateful and spoiled.

"Yu ... I'm kind of worried about Chiaki."

"Worried? About what Kamui?"

"About..." his breath slowly faded from his throat, he wasn't sure how to put this in a way that was both honest and accurate. But that could be because he wasn't sure actually what he was thinking himself. "I don't think he should be spending so much time with Subaru."

Her smile became concerned, not for their son but for him. "He's not going to hurt him Kamui."

"I know that," forget the fact that there was no guarantee that the Sakura was gone for good to begin with. Or that Subaru could presumably hurt Chiaki and might do as much if everything they thought they knew about the man was false. Despite the reasonable nature of this fear, it was not what bothered Kamui. He trusted Subaru not to do anything _deliberately_ to hurt the boy, it was the possible accidents that concerned him. "It's just ... Subaru and Fuuma were ... well ... not close really. It's not like they were friends or anything ... but ... they talked a lot, they understood each other in some odd way."

He twirled his chopstick nervously. Odd that after all they had both seen, after living the lives of mythical Dragons of the apocalypse, that admitting the theory that haunted him would embarrass him so much. Like Yuzuriha who had a spirit dog that could transform into battle equipment would think he was crazy for believing that the child called Chiaki had been Fuuma long ago. Kamui knew she didn't share his beliefs about their son, and he didn't blame her. It seemed like such a desperate delusion on his part in so many ways. "I'm worried that being with Subaru might ... hit upon something ... a memory or something.."

And then he would lose the most important thing in his life to... guilt? insanity? or even hate? No matter who he was or wasn't, no matter what his fate was, Kamui loved his son. Even if Chiaki was not biologically his own, he was the most important of all the shambles Kamui had left.

"It's a new life Kamui, a clean slate, if you want to ensure that he never remembers the past you have to stop keeping it alive."

"You believe that?"

"Of course."

"I just don't want to let him down again. And Subaru reminds me of how I failed him the first time. He worries me."

"Don't you trust him Kamui?" She said it in such a way that he knew it was okay if the answer to that was 'no'.

"I dunno ... he's been acting strange lately."

"How strange is 'strange'?"

"Well let's see I've seen morose angsty Subaru, obsessive Subaru, lifeless Sakurzukamori Subaru ... yet somehow this outranks them all in strangeness. He's behavior is just so _different_ than what I've known from him."

"Maybe he's having a midlife crisis," Yuzuriha suggested.

Kamui blinked, that made sense ... why hadn't that occurred to him? Had his common sense been over-shadowed by anticipation of some extreme effects the Sakura's end might have had? Subaru was much older than them, why did that image of the young 25 year old persist so in Kamui's mind? "Well... Maybe you're right ... maybe I'm looking for drama where there is none."

She laughed and placed her hand over his comfortingly. "It's not odd Kamui. You spent your life in the mists of death and tragedy, after all that time I'm sure moving away from that kind of thinking is no easy thing."

She was always so patient with him. After all she had seen and been through herself she couldn't allow herself to be bitter or cynical the way he and Subaru had inevitably become. "How do you do it Yuzuriha?"

"Do what Kamui?"

"How do you know that this world is run by good things instead of a cruel and hateful god or something?"

"That's quite a way to put it Kamui."

"It's what I'd like to believe," he shrugged shyly. "I want to believe something like that Yuzuriha but experience keeps teaching me otherwise. How do you do it?"

"I know it's the truth. It's easy to believe something when you know it's true. As for how I know ... that's my secret."

He was momentarily surprised when she broke their serious conversation with a playful wink. Kamui blinked a few times just to make sure he hadn't missed some hint that he was supposed to pick up on. "That's not fair," he frowned.

"Well how do you know that Chiaki is Fuuma?"

"He..." Kamui tilted his head in deep thought. He was desperately scanning the events of the child's lifetime for a solid undisputable clue, but all he could find were innocent comments and looks that had triggered something deep inside of himself but had no meaning on their own. Those incidents could easily be nothing more than illusions he constructed to support his hopes, he was all too aware of this. With a sigh he admitted his inevitable defeat, "it's just a feeling."

"But you know it's the truth because you see all the tiny details that everyone else is blind to. That's it Kamui, that's how I know that life is good. I can see all the small details of goodness everyone else misses. I'm sure you could if you just look for them as hard as you look for the dark monster lurking in that child."

Kamui drew in the world around them for a moment. The other people in the restaurant seemed little more than scenery moving about in a living play. He did not know them, how could he see the good in them? How could he accurately see the good in strangers when the ones he loved had shown him their deeper darker sides so intimately? It was so easy to believe they weren't real people and so hard to try to see the good instead of the cynical. Kamui sighed and lowered his head weakly, it was hard to assume others had more virtue than even those he loved.

Hesitantly he admitted to both of them that he probably would never have the ability to see what was too painful to believe. "Will you teach me?"

The bill being paid he grabbed their coats and escorted her to the door. "Oh crap," he sighed as he glanced out the window. The sky had seen fit to release its heavy burden of rain, ruining what had been a warm and beautiful evening for certain. Kamui frowned, he had been hoping to show his appreciation for Yuzuriha's continuing kindness by making sure she had a good time out with him, and though dinner was lovely he still felt unsatisfied with that task. "It's pouring."

"We'll call a cab," she suggested helpfully, already holding the phonebook in hand and moving around to find money for the pay phone.

But a cab ride was so … convenient.

Nevertheless he wasn't going to be so stubborn as to make them walk in the rain. He was going to be stubborn in other ways! And cute and romantic and make Yuzuriha forget all of his inadequacies that she put up with.

The cab arrived, Kamui took her arm gently and held open the door for them. She snickered at first, kissing him sweetly on the cheek as she sometimes did before punching him in the shoulder with a wink. "Don't get sneaky on me Kamui, I was beginning to think you were one of the few honest men left in Tokyo."

The gutter was swelling with mud and scattered puddles, so of course the cab was waiting for them as far away from the curb as possible without being out in the middle of the street. There was a river of heavy mud between them and the yellow cab which Yuzuriha hesitated in attempting to cross. The paused did not last for long and she intended to move to bravely through the mess when Kamui grabbed her elbow and began to remove his jacket.

She laughed. "Oh no Kamui, don't do that!"

"But it's the gentleman thing to do isn't it?"

She was charmed, "there's no sense in ruining a nice jacket for a pair of cheap shoes." Yuzuriha pointed down to her feet cutely, "they're pleather Kamui."

"Shush," he smiled as he covered the puddle. "I got this from the little boy's department anyway. Come on."

She sparkled as he took her hand and gracefully lead her over the mud puddle and into the taxi. Scooping up the soiled jacket as he swung in behind her, Kamui landed on the soft vinyl cushioned seats with a cheerful plop and gave the driver directions to Yuzuriha's apartment.

He was soaking wet. Water was sliding slowly down strands of his hair, his shirt was clinging coldly to his skin, his shoes and the hem of his pants were muddy and soaked, chivalry did not do much for his dry cleaning bill.

"We should have brought an umbrella," Yuzuriha noted.

"And miss mother nature turning Tokyo into a water park? I scoff at the very suggestion."

"But look at you Kamui! Why you look like a child who's been playing in a mud puddle!"

"Or swine that's been rolling in it," Kamui mused. "I have been rolling in it Yu, I am so fortunate to have you and Chiaki and Subaru. I only wish you all didn't drive me completely insane."

"That wouldn't be any fun."

"Probably not."

"And wasn't this fun?" Yuzuriha prodded.

"The parts not in the pouring rain? Yes certainly. You know ... we should do this more often."


	4. Finale

  
  
A week or two passed and Kamui managed to forget about the ticking time bomb he was sure was around somewhere in his life, waiting to go off. There were very few times in Kamui's life where he could actually remember not expecting the other shoe to drop at any moment, but this one was without a doubt the most pleasant in the collection. Subaru had become something of Chiaki's nanny and favorite playmate, leaving Kamui and Yuzuriha to gradually explore the relationship they had which had up to that point always seemed in the shadow of some struggle or another. Without the demands of an apocalypse or a child to rear to weigh down on his mind Kamui was beginning to realize how fond he really was of Yuzuriha.   
  
Although inwardly he knew that Chiaki should have some friends of his own age to play with, reconstructed Tokyo was still in a tumultuous economic state and so most of Japan. Poverty of the early years after the Promised Day had lead to a low birth rate in the following years and as a result there were not terribly many possible playmates for Chiaki. The parents of the children that were about were of Kamui and Yuzuriha's generation and had been scarred by the terrible events of their own childhood. They were understandably overprotective.   
  
Subaru did not seem at all burdened by the adoration of the young boy. To the contrary, he was delighted by it and liked nothing better than to take Chiaki out of his parents' hands and spoil him completely.   
  
"Neh! Neh! Subaru? Do you think Daddy would like a tie for his birthday?"   
  
Subaru's pace had an affectionately leisurely gate as if even the very moments of his body were conscious of the small boy bouncing along at his side. He considered Chiaki's question with a wise and careful 'hmmmm' before answering "Has he learned how to tie them by himself yet?"   
  
Chiaki blinked his wide gold eyes blankly. He supposed that to Chiaki the idea that an adult could not do adult type things was a bit of a hard concept. "When we were much younger he couldn't do it right, someone always had to straighten it or retie it for him."   
  
"Really?"   
  
"Well your Daddy was a screwy kid."   
  
He rapped soundly on the door to Yuzuriha's apartment, a painfully small place in an almost decent side of town. Of course Yuzuriha was living of a university professor's salary so one could hardly fault her for it.   
  
"Mommy!" Chiaki greeted as the door swung open.   
  
"Hey guys, how was the park?" She ushered them in with a quick paced wave of her hand as she grabbed the tea kettle from the counter with the other. Her apartment was really small enough for her to do this with super human powers. Inuki sat lazily on the kitchen floor, his ears twitching curiously at the sound of familiar voices while the rest of him remained thoroughly uninterested in anything other than sunbathing on the tile floor. He was nudged out once Yuzuriha set about making tea for her guest and trotted with a heavy snort towards Subaru and down the hallway.   
  
"Hey Inuki," Subaru patted the spirit dog-- who growled appreciatively and followed them into the living room..   
  
"Pet Seki too!" Chiaki tugged on his sleeve.   
  
"Seki?" Subaru inquired.   
  
"My doggie," the child pointed besides him quiet matter-of-factorly. "I have one like Mommy."   
  
Subaru stared at the spot indicated. He stared with every sense he had trained for any trace of another spirit pup. But it was no use, he could detect nothing.   
  
"Only I can see him," Chiaki offered helpfully. "He's right there."   
  
He pointed again, this time with more insistence and gazed up expectantly. Subaru felt an extraordinary amount of pressure being put on him to answer correctly, as if he could shatter the fragile world of innocent child's things by one wrong comment.   
  
He looked hopelessly at Yuzuriha, who from the kitchen mouthed 'Imaginary' at him while she prepared their tea.   
  
Oh yeah. Right...   
  
Sometimes being once a Dragon of Heaven, once a Dragon of Earth, once a Sumeragi clan head and always, always an onmyouji ... one forgot about the real world out there where such things as he had seen were children's worlds of make believe. He bent down and patted the spot as if it there were something there as best he could. "Is he a good puppy like Inuki?"   
  
Inuki's gaze was dull and puzzled as he idly watched the exchange from where he sat.   
  
Chiaki nodded cheerfully. "Yup! Do you want to see him do a trick?"   
  
"He does tricks?"   
  
"Chiaki honey, it's 3 o'clock..." Yuzuriha chimed in knowingly.   
  
The child looked most terribly conflicted and for a moment there had been a spark of unbridled excitement in his eyes. What guilty pleasure came at 3 o'clock? He leaned in closer to Subaru and whispered, "Hamtaro Zeta is on ... that's my favorite show. Can I show you later?"   
  
Subaru smiled, "sure."   
  
"You won't be upset?"   
  
"I can wait a half an hour."   
  
"Okay!" Chiaki announced happily as he bolted into the next room to turn on the TV.   
  
"One of these days," Yuzuriha sighed as she poured their tea. "I will figure out a way to explain Inuki to him without him thinking I've gone wacko. I suppose it better than other things though. I could have to your situation to handle."   
  
"My situation?"   
  
She smiled knowingly, "you and Kamui."   
  
"Oh...."   
  
"That and the whole Sakurazukamori thing... Kamui and I both agree that perhaps it's best that he not know about the past, but how much can we hide? And then there's...."   
  
Subaru looked up curiously, "yes?"   
  
"He says things sometimes Subaru," she confided. "He has a way of saying things..."   
  
"Children do that," the Sumeragi shrugged. "They put things in the most direct terms which sometimes leads one to believe they understand more than they really do."   
  
"It's not just that. It worries me sometimes. I worry about how those things effect Kamui."   
  
"I don't think there's anything to worry about."   
  
"No?"   
  
"Kamui already believes what he wants to. And who knows, maybe it's true. But I don't think his belief will hurt him much, he sees this as fulfilling a promise he made."   
  
"Even if you're right ... I wonder how long we can keep all of this from him."   
  
"Well the lies are more comfortable than the truth," Subaru said as he sipped his tea.   
  
"Meaning?"   
  
"He calls you Mother."   
  
"Oh yeah that," she lowered her voice significantly in case tiny ears might have strayed from the TV. "It was nothing either one of us encouraged. I helped Kamui out a lot with him when he was little, I suppose he just assumed... Kamui never told him to call him Dad, it's just something he did on his own. And we thought it best to just let it be for now. He's too young and the truth is too complicated for him to understand fully. Besides, Kamui felt very strongly that he needed a sense of family. Even if we're not his real parents, it's a simple detail, a simple lie that saves him from so much pain."   
  
"Can he see Inuki?"   
  
She shook her head and took another large gulp of her tea, "nope, not a trace of him. It's odd in some ways, with you guys I got so used to you being able to see Inuki that I just expected Chiaki to be able to as well. But I suppose since he is neither mine nor Kamui's biological child there's no reason he would."   
  
"Well ... he is of Sumeragi blood," Subaru hummed. "But then not everyone born into the Sumeragi family has any power either."   
*******   
  
"Surprise!" Chiaki chirped while holding up a misshaped white cake with pride. If the odd smudgings of icing were any indication, he had probably had a hand in its creation.   
  
"What's this?" Subaru asked, looking curiously at Kamui and then back to the odd little cake in the boy's hands.   
  
"I made it," Chiaki explained, pressing it forward for Subaru to take it.   
  
"All by yourself?"   
  
"Well ... Daddy helped a little."   
  
Kamui had the culinary skills of a quadriplegic, he doubted the mass of flour and sugar would even be edible but he accepted it warmly and invited them in anyway.   
  
Apparently Yuzuriha had similar thoughts about the cake and had sent Kamui with a box of cookies as well.   
  
"It's a 'thank you' for looking after him the other night," Kamui explained. "And really for everything."   
  
"It was no trouble."   
  
Well that wasn't really true, there was still an eerie green ring around his bath tub. And Subaru had never realized exactly how bad he was at cleaning until he had a toddler's messes to take care of. He had always been a fairly neat person so his inadequate cleaning supplies and skills were never that much of a problem.   
  
But how does one get finger paint stains off wallpaper?   
  
Kamui couldn't help but notice once he was past the threshold of Subaru's apartment a suitcase and a few well packed boxes. Subaru's apartment seemed in various stages of deconstruction. The walls were shedding their pictures and accessories like pretty fall leaves that floated neatly into properly labeled boxes. "What's all this?"   
  
"I'm going back to Kyoto."   
  
That hit Kamui much harder than he thought it would. From the beginning he had known it would come down to this. It was after all the Sakura that had brought and held Subaru here for so long and it seemed logical that once it was gone he should return to his family. Still Kamui was hurt and disappointed, if nothing else Subaru was an old friend. Kamui didn't have many left and it was never any less painful losing one. Granted Kyoto wasn't exactly a world away, but with his son to take care of and his schedule even occasional visits would be difficult to manage. "For how long? ... Why?"   
  
"Surely you've notice it," Subaru commented evenly as he grabbed some plates and cut the cake.   
  
It was strawberry filled and Subaru paused, finding this both very fitting and very ironic considering their conversation.   
  
"Notice what?" Not wanting to confront his own theories, Kamui chose to play ignorant.   
  
"There's something missing." Subaru murmured. "At first I thought you could fill that void, but you can't really I guess. You can't replace a part of myself that I skipped over." He chuckled warmly, "it was your son that showed me what it was,"   
  
"What is it? Something the Sakura took away?"   
  
"No ... at least not entirely. When I lost my sister I lost any sense I had of it ... but the truth is I was never permitted one of my own."   
  
Kamui despised riddles, especially when he either solved them or lost someone he cared for. He was about to ask Subaru just to be straight with him when they were interrupted by Chiaki proclaiming "Cooooooolll."   
  
Kamui had found that particular word coming out of Chiaki's mouth to be much more menacing than anything Fuuma had every uttered. Because usually what Chiaki considered 'cool' was something that could easily eat him, step on him, fall on him, impale him, or otherwise kill a whole pack of kindergartners. Kamui turned around curiously to see what had caught his son's attention and was not disappointed. While they had been talking Chiaki had been quietly going through Subaru's boxes and was holding an unsheathed ritual dagger a few inches from his face.   
  
"**Chiaki, drop it now!**"   
  
Kamui was angry certainly, but for once he both looked and sounded it, the child jumped back with a yelp and the knife landed with a clank on the floor.   
  
Kamui stormed over and grabbed the knife and its sheath with such uncharacteristic aggression that Chiaki skitting back a few feet and looked positively terrified. Kamui put the dagger away, "you know better than to play with things like that."   
  
Chiaki nodded   
  
"Go sit over there," he pointed to the kitchen table. "And don't move."   
  
The child complied meekly, nearly melting into one of Subaru's chairs like he wasn't there. Kamui was not stern with him often, but when he was his eyes were neither angry nor concerned but cold and almost ruthless. Subaru raised an eyebrow and volleyed a concerned glance from the child to his father. In the time they had been separated Kamui had grown up quite a bit. He never would have thought that the boy he had knew so well could manage the discipline needed for raising a child. Subaru had assumed that it was Yuzuriha who set down the law, but now it seemed that was not entirely true. Kamui could be strict when he wished to be.   
  
"What do you mean Subaru?" Kamui, satisfied that Chiaki was going to be obedient now, had turned his attention back to their conversation.   
  
Subaru didn't answer right away, he sat on the floor and began organizing the possessions littering it into the appropriate boxes. But it was obvious from the way his hand worked carelessly and the way his eyes looked through every item that Subaru's mind wasn't really on the task. He wasn't simply ignoring Kamui either, it was just that admitting what was on his mind was so very hard for him.   
  
Kamui recognized shame when he saw it, especially on Subaru. It was an emotion that didn't suit the man at all, but it was Subaru's favorite accessory. He kneeled down next to Subaru so he wouldn't have to speak any louder than necessary and put his hand on the man's shoulder gently. "Subaru?"   
  
"I've spoken to my family and they agree that it's best for me to come home where they can keep an eye on me in case this turns into anything dangerous."   
  
"In case what turns into something dangerous?"   
  
Subaru looked up and smiled cheerfully at Kamui. A smile that disturbed Kamui because it was so unlike anything he had ever seen from the Sumeragi. It was like Chiaki's smile, innocent and careless. "I'm not sick Kamui, I've found something that's been missing for a long time. It's just people will say I'm sick and it will hurt you two to have to listen to that. I know you can deal with it, and right now Chiaki doesn't understand it ... but he'll grow up one day Kamui and he'll become ashamed of being so close to me once. I've made your lives hard enough already don't you think?"   
  
Kamui stared, yes he knew what Subaru meant by this. The Sumeragi's behavior had been rather odd and it did not concern Yuzuriha and himself much only because they knew him. They knew that his oddness now was both harmless and a vast improvement from the oddness of his past.   
  
But had they not known him back then, surely they would not think so kindly of Subaru's ways. Perhaps they would even fear he was dangerous. Kamui knew well enough that he couldn't control the beliefs that others had or the actions they took in accordance with those beliefs. If what Subaru had decided to do with the rest of his life was going to make him seem as crazy as he claimed then there was no guarantee Kamui could protect Chiaki from the things people might do or say. There was no way Kamui could protect Subaru either.   
  
"Then..." he began somewhat at a loss for what to say. He wanted to make sure that Subaru knew that he was conceding to Subaru's conclusions not because he didn't want to risk the consequences, but because he had learned to recognize things that were out of his control. He would, if he had any power to ensure it at all, protect both of them from the criticism of the world.   
  
"Subaru is going away?" Chiaki nearly whispered.   
  
The two grown men went silent and stared at the child they seemed to have forgotten was listening to their every word.   
  
_He is four years old_ Kamui found himself thinking as Chiaki looked on the verge of thick heavy tears . Somewhere down the he developed a problem remembering that, and the sniffling and whimpering that came from the boy in the kitchen as he fought back the tears that seemed inevitable seemed a shock to Kamui.   
  
The boy broke into a wave of sobs that cut through the silence hard. Maybe it was the reaction to be expected from any child, but it struck Kamui in a very surreal way as it echoed what he felt on the inside as well. And perhaps it was because it was so quiet in the apartment that the cries seemed to circle urgently around.   
  
"Chiaki," Subaru sighed, the soft smile on his face telling the boy he was touched by his sorrow. "I'll only be in Kyoto ... you can come visit on weekends if you like."   
  
Chiaki peeked up just a bit at Kamui, still weary that his crying might further annoy his father, "Can we Daddy?" He was hardly eased by the invitation. It had stopped his wailing, but not the whimpering or the tears. It seemed Chiaki really did understand that even with the occasional visit his friendship with the older man was at an end.   
  
Kamui nodded. His manner did not do much to assuage Chiaki, but he felt too conflicted and unhappy himself to smile for the boy. The best he could manage was to stand silently with his arms folded over his chest and look dimly off into space.   
  
It was undoubtedly for the best. The Sumeragi estate had sheltered Kamui from the world before, it would be the best place for Subaru. The large nearly self sufficient manor had held a whole mess of secrets in dark corners through out the ages. More to the point it was family, Subaru had spent what seemed like eons isolated from his family.   
  
Now that he finally had one of his own Kamui had learned that the family was among a person's most valuable possessions.   
  
And yet Kamui knew that all the common sense in the world could not ease the child inside of him who like Chiaki had now broken into hard sobs again. Kamui smiled softly at the helpless looking Subaru who could do little to cheer up the boy and picked up his son carefully. "He's tired I think ... we should probably head home for a nap now. Enjoy the cake."   
  
Subaru nodded, looking guilty and adorably upset that he hadn't been able to comfort the child despite his best intentions. He saw them to the door before he went to finish packing.   
  
And Kamui walked down the hallway outside of Subaru's apartment without an appropriate goodbye to comfort them. He let Chiaki cry into his shoulder without a comment save for an occasional soft phrase as he stroked his hair. Perhaps a better parent would be a little more sympathetic, but Kamui had gotten used to loss. He couldn't help feeling like this wasn't worth all the dramatics he felt swelling up around it. Maybe he was too frustrated at himself for being so upset about Subaru leaving to allow himself to be a comfort to the child in his arms.   
  
"Daddy...?"   
  
"Hmmm?" he hummed softly as he watched the elevator slowly lowered them through floors.   
  
"Is Kyoto far away?" Chiaki sniffled as he rubbed the last tears out of his eyes.   
  
Kamui shook his head, "not too far."   
  
"Is it nice there? Will Subaru be happy?"   
  
"I hope so." Kamui sighed softly. "But I'm sure he'll miss you very much."   
  
Chiaki whimpered a little and buried himself under Kamui's chin. "Who will play with him? Won't he be lonely?"   
  
Kamui couldn't help but smile. Kissing Chiaki softly on the head he told the boy warmly that, "I'm sure Subaru will be okay. We'll go visit him as often as you want to just so that you can make sure ... but right now let's go home."  
  
  
*******   
  
Things in Tokyo seemed dark and dull for the next couple of weeks. Chiaki had become rather sullen and quiet as the days moved on and Kamui and Yuzuriha were forced to live lives with a lot less cheerful chaos. Kamui could not enjoy the lack of stress this awarded him because he couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness.   
  
Bad enough to lose Subaru, but seeing Chiaki depressed and lethargic was worse. Was it absolutely impossible for him to find a place in his life for all the people he wanted to hold close and make them all happy without complications?   
  
Fate did not seem to be on his side, but then ... it rarely was.   
  
Subaru called once he had gotten settled back in Kyoto to let them all know he was fine. Although he talked to Chiaki for some time the boy did little but nod and respond in brief unhappy sentences. Kamui didn't know whether to try to cheer him up or to scowl him for skulking and trying to make Subaru feel bad about leaving. He felt that either choice could possibly make the situation worse and since he had no one to turn to for insights into what Chiaki was thinking he felt rather helpless.   
  
Yuzuriha had began staying over a lot. They had spent so many night talking until they both feel asleep on the couch that Kamui had moved his alarm clock out into the living room just to keep them from missing work. Once again he found himself being thankful for Yuzuriha's company. He would assure himself that he wanted her came over so often because Chiaki needed to see that the people he loved weren't going to leave him, but late at night when Chiaki had been sound asleep for hours and Kamui struggled to find a comfortable position with which to sleep without waking Yuzuriha he admitted to himself how silly that thought really was. Chiaki didn't really need her here, he was the one who needed her here. Because he wasn't afraid of looking foolish in front of her like he was with Subaru and she seemed to remind him that he had to make decisions like the ones he was struggling to make if he wanted to protect the people he loved. She was a tremendous comfort.   
  
"How late are you working on Friday?" his voice was so low and deep he almost didn't recognize it himself.   
  
Yuzuriha yawned, she had wedged herself nicely under his arm and was using his shoulder as a less than fluffy pillow. "Classes are canceled on Friday."   
  
"Really? Why? Is it some bizarre holiday I've forgotten about?"   
  
"Naahh.." she yawned again.   
  
"You know I can't keep all these Boy's Day, Girl's Day, Genderless Android's Day things straight."   
  
She laughed softly and closed her eyes a bit, the dim light from the muted television casting a flickering highlight over her skin. "I think it's a Reading Day actually."   
  
"Reading Day..." Kamui processed the phrase slowly. "Is that one of those things where I have to take Chiaki to the library or else I'm a 'Bad Parent'?"   
  
She shook her head with a bright grin, "no it's a day off the university gives so students can catch up with their studies."   
  
"Ohhhh..."   
  
"Why? What do you want to do on Friday?"   
  
"I talked to Subaru today, and I was thinking we'd take the train down to Kyoto on Friday and spend the weekend with him."   
  
"That sounds nice. Is the Sumeragi estate a good vacation spot. Could I have a staff to serve my every need?" She stretched out almost on top of him so that her fingertips reached for the ceiling. "Maybe they have a private spa and I can get a nice long massage?"   
  
Kamui pondered this briefly, "my old physical therapist might be around somewhere. But I think that's about as far as you'll get with that. Although they do have room service if your cute enough."   
  
"Silly boy," Yuzuriha yawned. "I trademarked cuteness."   
*******   
  
"Chiaki, you're getting the window dirty..." Kamui sighed helplessly. Chiaki's face had been plastered to the window ever since the train had left the station. Now the condensation his warm breath was leaving on the window was thick enough to obstruct the vision out of it. "Besides your nose might get stuck smooshed like that if you keep it up."   
  
It was his first time on a train ... that he could remember at least. So Kamui wasn't surprised that he found the whole experience so exciting and fascinating, nor was he necessarily displeased about it. It was just ... instilling a sense of good behavior in a child required consistency. Despite the cuteness, pressing one's face up against the window and holding it there for hours was not very polite.   
  
He looked at Yuzuriha helplessly, but her attention had been claimed by the magazine she had brought a long with them.   
  
Well .... at least he was being quiet. Maybe Kamui would let him stare and just ... uhhh apologize to the conductor later.   
  
The train finally pulled to a halt at their station after what seemed like an eternity of time. Chiaki catapulted into Kamui's lap like an explosion had propelled him away from the window. "Subaru! Subaru, Daddy!! It's Subaru!!!"   
  
Kamui lowered his head to peak out the window. And well there he was, grinned broadly and waving to them from the platform. It was something of a shock because Subaru Sumeragi had always been such a reserved and quiet figure to Kamui, and yet he was behaving like an absolute ninny. Or a kid at Christmas ... either way not the usual Sumeragi pomp and circumstance. And standing beside him was....   
  
Daichi Sumeragi.   
  
Kamui swallowed the hard lump in his throat and gathered Chiaki up along with their bags so that they could exit the train. He knew that this moment was inevitable, but he had been hoping that he didn't have to meet Daichi head on like this. There were two people on the Sumeragi estate that Kamui dreaded any extended contact with, so of course Subaru brought one of them along to greet them.   
  
"SUUUUUUUUUBBBBAARUUUUUUU!!!!" Chiaki waved happily with the one arm that wasn't wrapped around Kamui's neck before roughly dislodging himself from Kamui's hold so that he could race across the train platform and nearly tackle the older man.   
  
"Future linebacker in the making," Yuzuriha smirked as she helped Kamui reorganize his hold over their belongings.   
  
"What are you kidding me? Subaru a prissy little girl when it comes to that, a stiff wind could blow him over."   
  
She poked him softly in the ribs, "you're one to talk."   
  
Kamui might have argued the point were Chiaki not bouncing eagerly at Subaru's feet and attracting considerable amounts of attention from Subaru's cousin.   
  
Yuzuriha noted his worried look and followed his line of sight curiously. "Oh ... is that him?"   
  
"Yeah..." Kamui sighed.   
  
"You know it's been four years, legally I don't think he has a basis--"   
  
"I'm not even thinking about that," Kamui cut her off sharply.   
  
"Still Kamui..."   
  
And if the threat of Chiaki's biological father somehow finding out what had been hidden from him in the past and trying to take back what was in all rights his did not bother Kamui then he was being unfairly rude to Yuzuriha when he ignored her and walked towards the group. The truth was he was not as concerned about whether Daichi had legal basis or not as he was concerned about what the conflict would put Chiaki threw should it ever come up.   
  
"Cute kid," Daichi greeted him. "How old is he?"   
  
"Uhh... four." Somehow he was hoping Daichi wasn't going to do the math about that. It would have been quite hard for him to have fathered a child with Yuzuriha four years ago after all.   
  
"Almost five!" Chiaki protested.   
  
"Really? And that pretty thing over there is your wife?" He pointed at Yuzuriha and laughed heartily when Kamui kind of reluctantly nodded (well technically she wasn't his ... but for the sake of simplicity he wasn't going to go there). "Kamui you stud!"   
  
Kamui flushed and shot a hot glance at Subaru who seemed totally oblivious to any anxiety he might have caused by inviting his favorite cousin. Instead the Sumeragi was very happy to have animated conversation with the child who'd attached himself to his arm, and between the two of them Kamui was having trouble telling which one was the minor.   
  
Daichi stared ahead at Subaru as he walked along side Kamui, Yuzuriha trailing behind them for the moment. "Bit of a wacko isn't he?"   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Subaru," Daichi clarified. "I suppose if one had to return from the hell he's been through crazy ... this is the best type of crazy one could hope for. I don't really know whether to accept that child like quality he's found for what it is and be happy for him or to worry like the others do that one day we'll find one of his trailing ducklings hanging up by their intestines..."   
  
"Ducklings?" Kamui blinked.   
  
"Yeah, if he weren't the former Sakurazukamori it would be cute. He's got a pack of little kids that follow him around the estate all day. I guess he's become something of the Sumeragi clan's resident nanny."   
  
"And people don't like that?"   
  
Daichi shrugged, "they're uneasy about it, because although we're proud of him for finally defeating our age old enemy ... there are very few people who think that anyone could return from that with morals uncompromised. But then, if he were going to run about slaughtering little children there would be very little we could do to stop him. The magic in the family isn't what it used to be, I doubt that if Subaru put his mind to it anyone in our family would be able to defend themselves.   
  
"But it's really good that you came to visit."   
  
"Is it?" Kamui echoed. "Why, are things that bad for him here?"   
  
"Oh not at all. Subaru's such a nitwit I doubt if he's noticed any of the tension at all. The kids are happy, he's happy having them around ... maybe he just doesn't care what the adults think about it. What I meant is that ... well people feel more comfortable with Subaru when you're around."   
  
This Kamui had never considered before although it seemed like he had heard something like that in the past. "Me?" he laughed. "It's not like I'm known for putting my faith in the right people."   
  
What with Fuuma, Hinoto, Arashi and yes Subaru too, although he hardly blamed most of them for what they had done so long ago. If anything he blamed himself. But still he could not see how anyone could look at this and be assured by his judge of character.   
  
"Well people like you on the manor, and because Subaru means so much to you they sympathize. You want to see Subaru happy, and so do they because they seem to trust you. I imagine that when the see that you trust your own son with Subaru they'll begin to accept that this is just the way he is now."   
  
Up ahead Subaru had been telling Chiaki all about Daichi Sumeragi and especially Daichi Sumeragi's motorcycle. "Maybe he'll give you a ride sometime."   
  
"Really? Cool!!! Is it here?" Eyes wide as china serving plates Chiaki scrambled around Daichi excitedly.   
  
Kamui bristled with what he knew was silly and unfounded jealously.   
  
"No, we came in his car today," Subaru smiled. "Because he wouldn't let me drive it."   
  
Daichi raised an eyebrow, "excuse me? Last time I let you drive you asked me why some of the lines on the road were yellow and some white."   
  
"An innocent question!"   
  
"Yeah well ... no more driving for Subby-kun after that. Especially not in the onmyoujimobile."   
  
"The 'onmyoujimobile'?" Yuzuriha snickered.   
  
"Well ... it's a minivan," Daichi grinned. "And when I have like a billion little onmyouji kids I'll have to pack them all up in there. It seemed an appropriate name."   
  
Kamui hoped that no one noticed the soft growl he indulged himself with. He was fortunate as no one seemed to. But Chiaki did look up cheerfully and tug on his sleeve urgently.   
  
"Daddy, Daddy, can I ride on Daichi-san's motorcycle when we get there? Can I please?"   
  
"No," he replied a little harsher than he really meant to. But it was a fumble that was easy to recover from. "Those things are dangerous and I don't want you on one."   
  
"Awwwww Daaaaad--"   
  
"He's right kiddo, you're a little too small for a bike ride yet. Maybe next time okay?" Daichi smiled warmly down at Chiaki and Kamui wondered how long it would be before someone pointed out how much they really looked a like.   
  
"Well" Subaru started up again, completely ignorant to the undertones of the conversation. Whether he knew better or not was anyone's guess but one would think that he would understand why Kamui was behaving as he was. "Daichi has lots of other neat stuff too we could--"   
  
Kamui gave Subaru a look that was _murderous_ and the onmyouji wisely did not finish his sentences. No one said anything for a while; Chiaki seemed to sense this was not a good subject to discuss with his father right at this moment. Yuzuriha, ever the useful one, was distracting Daichi with tales of her life as a scholar and environmentalist so well he didn't seem to notice the conversation about him had been cut off.   
*******   
  
Normally Kamui was not an early morning person. He struggled and forced himself up out of bed and wandered around like an old ghost haunting for an hour or so before he rushed out the door to battle Tokyo's impossible traffic. Cramped in a tiny car, a growing migraine and every ounce of his body and mind wishing it was back in bed sound asleep. So it was with much irritation that he found himself completely and totally wide awake at 9 o'clock in the morning on the one day he could sleep in. And when the bed he had been given was significantly more comfortable than his own ... well it just figured.   
  
He found Yuzuriha in the kitchen of the little guest house-- one of many they found out-- that had been prepared for their visit with a cup of coffee in one hand and a grin plastered all over her face the likes of which he had not seen since she was a girl.   
  
"Morning," he yawned only to be 'shh'ed, nudged out of the way gently, and a cup of coffee placed in his hand. He was a little insulted, but figured that might be early morning crankiness afterall and took a good sip from his cup before he whispered "what?"   
  
Yuzuriha pointed to the couch in the living room. "That is the cutest thing I've ever seen. Don't wake them."   
  
Kamui blinked and moved so that he could see over the back of the couch ... Subaru was stretched out over it sound asleep with Chiaki curled up practically on top of him, also sound asleep and sucking his thumb contentedly.   
  
"How late were they up last night?" Kamui wondered outloud. He had thought that Chiaki was in bed before him. In fact he was almost sure of it.   
  
"I put Chiaki to bed before 7 last night, but I think he must have sneaked out after we went to bed and hung out with Subaru."   
  
Kamui rolled his eyes, "figures. I was sure we wouldn't have to worry about him sneaking out of the house at least until he was 6..."   
  
She laughed, "yeah well ... he's precocious."   
  
"Let's just hope he doesn't pick up Subaru's bad habits. Subaru chews on his chopsticks sometimes and it always really annoyed me."   
  
Yuzuriha stiffed a laugh before taking Kamui by the arm and leading him towards the front door. "I want to see some of the manor's gardens, walk with me?"   
  
He deposited his coffee cup with one final sip into the sink and trailing her out of the guest house, taking care not to disturb the slumbering children on the couch. Distantly he was surprised how much he still remembered about the Sumeragi estate and how well he could lead her around the grounds to all the charming spots that were sure to delight her.   
  
"Are you going to be like this everytime will come up here to visit Subaru?" she asked while they stood below a giant plum tree. Below them was a thick grove of different spring blooming trees guarded carefully by a steep drop that made the floor of the grove seem like a black pit.   
  
"Like what?" Kamui asked, although he seemed to know what she meant already.   
  
"You were very nasty to Subaru's cousin yesterday. Not outright, but I doubt he's stupid enough for it to have gone unnoticed. And if it's because you don't want Chiaki to develop a relationship with him **and** if you intend to continue these silly hostilities, next time we'll come up here without you."   
  
In his heart Kamui wanted to argue his point with her. But in truth he didn't know what his point was, he liked Daichi and he knew he was being a bit of a prick for no good reason. A part of him wanted to tell Yuzuriha that Daichi was a no good jerk who abandoned his own kid but the truth was Daichi had never known that Maiko was pregnant in the first place. Kamui, even in his most bitter and hurtful moods, couldn't fault him for that.   
  
"I'm ... this is going to sound really silly ... but I'm almost afraid he'll like Daichi better than me."   
  
It had rained the night before and the leaves of the plum tree were still sparkling with tender drops of rain water. If the breeze picked up just a little they'd fall like delicate tears onto their cheeks and foreheads. Kamui flinched as a little hit him too close to his eye for comfort but Yuzuriha laughed happily at the light shower. She almost glowed in the morning's fragile sunlight. "Listen Kamui, he's going to find out eventually. Either you're going to tell him or he's going to figure it out on his own and want to know who his real parents are. Isn't it better that when that happens he already has a relationship with his father and mother rather than comforting perfect strangers? Isn't this a whole lot less painful for him in the end?"   
  
"I dunno..."   
  
"I mean what if you found out years ago when we were living on CLAMP campus that Imonoyama-san was your father?"   
  
Kamui yelped and jumped back a little. "**Imonoyama-san?!?!?!?** You have to be kidding me Yu ... he'd have .... he'd have been like 5 when he was with my mother!!! Ewwwwww..."   
  
"Well it was just an example..." she giggled.   
  
"Still, ewww..." Kamui paced over to the edge of the grove's small cliff, still trying to shake that mental picture from his head.   
  
"My point was," she swung up next to him with a good solid step. "It would be better for it to be someone you knew and had a positive relationship with right? Otherwise you might have compared him to all sorts of bizarre idealistic fantasies about what sort of person your father is."   
  
"And Imonoyama-san was the best example?? God the Sakurazukamori would have been less gross. I think I need to stab out both my eyes now ... I can't get the image of my mother with a 5 year old Imonoyama-san out of my head....   
  
"Will you stop it," she punched him in the shoulder.   
  
Perhaps a bit too hard ... or maybe Kamui simply had his weight on the wrong foot, because he lost his balance and in the panic of realizing he was going to fall into the grove he reached out for something...   
  
What he grabbed was Yuzuriha's arm and unfortunately she was not much better at keeping her footing, sending the two of them sliding down the steep decline and tumbling into the dark terrain below.   
  
"Ow....." Kamui whined. "Can we ... not do that again?"   
  
"...do you promise to be good?" She was pressed awkwardly on his chest, her cheek lightly bruised by his collarbone.   
  
"Yeah ... if I let Chiaki spent time with Daichi ... will you stop beating me up and throwing me off cliffs?"   
  
"I think I can managed that Kamui," she smiled. A smiled that faltered with a sharp yelp once she tried to disentangle herself from him.   
  
"What? What's the matter?"   
  
"It's just my ankle ... it hurt when I tried to get up... I'm fine though," she assured him as she struggled to get to her feet again. But it was obvious from the way she flinched as she put weight on it that she was not at all fine.   
  
"It could be broken or twisted or at least sprained or something Yu."   
  
"Don't be silly, you landed harder than I did. I'm just little sore and muddy Kamui." She brushed off her skirt as if to emphasize her point. "I'll stay off it just to be sure, but I can walk back to the manor no problem."   
  
Kamui tilted his head and scratched some of the dirt out of his hair. The incline had been steep, but it was not going to be hard to follow the steady path back up it. The trail was loaded with thick cakey mud that was more likely to ruin their shoes than cause them to slip again and Kamui could easily imagine sinking up to his ankles in the dark creamy filth.   
  
He nodded solemnly to himself and, before she could think to protest, scooped Yuzuriha up and headed for the trail. It was a bit easier than he expected it to be, either Yuzuriha really was as light as she looked or he didn't have the girly arms everyone thought he did.   
  
She squeaked in surprise but didn't struggle or make things difficult for him even though she wasn't overly pleased about being carried up a small hill like a helpless girl. Thus the fit she threw was a charming one consisting of many stern looks and a few well placed helpless 'oh why did God leave men so devoid of common sense' sighs. "You're being so silly today.."   
  
He shrugged as best he could well holding her and climbing up the steady path at the same time. "Well I think you might be right ... Chiaki might be able to spend time here with both of his birth parents without some dramatic divine proclamation and some one exploding. In the end we're still a family no matter what right, you, me and Chiaki? Things can be like this for a while and I think all of us will be happy, even Subaru. It may not be the end of the world after all, and I'm pretty happy about that."   
  
"End of the World ... god those are always such a bore."   
  
"Yeah ... what with the mass death and destruction..."   
  
She kissed him softly on the cheek, "Kamui Shirou, you bad boy, you've been in the angst again before dinner haven't you?"   
  
He gave her a side ways glance as one good step hosted them up out of the grove and back onto the spacious lawn. His eyes were just touched with a cold humorless glow since he didn't particularly like being teased about being a pansy little angst machine, not even from Yuzuriha. But this didn't seem to bother Yuzuriha in the slightest. In fact, despite her protests to the contrary, one might think from her manner that she was quite enjoying being carried up the muddy hill in Kamui's arms.   
  
"I told you," she continued to chastise him playfully. "We're saving that angst for Chiaki's teenage years."   
  
"Lord help us," Kamui sighed. "He's not allowed to be an angsty teenager. Hell ... he's not allowed to be a teenager at all. Chiaki can angst when he's in his twenties living on his own and we're as far away from Japan as possible on a cruise ship in the Caribbean."   
  
"It's a deal," Yuzuriha agreed.   
  


-End-


End file.
